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January 22, 2004

Ready, Aim (at your foot), Fire!!

I returned from a restful vacation to find out that Howard Dean is no longer the Democrat Saviour who will redeem a sinful America from the Evil Republicans. Dean's increasingly bizarre behavior and his increasingly bad public image convinced a plurality of Iowa Democrats to vote for someone they consider to be more electable: John F. Kerry.

John Kerry!?!

Kerry is now the Democrat of the hour. All of America's political pundit class, who just weeks ago labeled his campaign moribund, are now lining up to slap him on the back. All seem to agree that Kerry is now the best candidate to banish the baleful George Bush.

While the Democrats are breathing a sigh of relief that How-weird Dean is fading, they shouldn't get too excited. If Wesley Clark is "Howard Dean with medals", then John Kerry is Howard Dean with medals and a bad hairdo.

Despite his newfound front-runner status, Kerry is still an obnoxious, left-wing, elitist prick. He relates to the average voter about as well as How-weird did; it is still just as unlikely that a left-of-center Democrat from New England will carry any Southern state in the general election. His barely-concealed snobbery will turn off as many moderate voters as Dean's barely-restrained rage, especially when contrasted with a likeable and folksy Dubya.

There has already been a presidential election between a likeable incumbent with a suspect military background, and a grumpy war hero, and Bill Clinton won rather easily.

Some pundits also took heart with the late surge of ambulance-chaser John Edwards. While Edwards might be a more formidable candidate, he still would lose in November. Why? Because on every issue (except the deficit) the Republicans are on the side of the majority. Tax cuts? Republicans. Gay marriage? GOP. National defense? Gun control? Abortion? (I can't wait to see John Edwards tackle the issue of tort reform). While the Democrats may nominate a likeable, moderate candidate, they still will have a platform from far Left field. And knowing how deeply ingrained their hatred for Bush is, they will end up pushing this unpopular platform with all the tact, restraint and subtlety of a Soviet Tank division.

Remember, you read it here first.

Posted by Captain Holly at January 22, 2004 02:01 PM | TrackBack
Latest poll that I saw (paid attention to) showed Kerry and Dean fighting it out for New Hampshire. Actually, if the Democratic nomination does have any clear winner, this will play right into the hands of the Wicked Witch of New York. She could come in and rescue the Democrats just like Jeanne d'Arc rescued the French from the English at the battle of Orleans. Unfortunately, the allegory stops there since Jeanne d'Arc was a virgin and a christian and Saint Hillery is neither. Posted by: El-ahrairah at January 23, 2004 12:26 AM
Now wait just a minute. That's outrageous to say such things about Hillary. She is too a virgin!! Posted by: Captain Holly at January 23, 2004 10:04 AM
Saint Hillery of the Arkansas Backwoods, a ver-gin? Only by the fact that no man would want to degrade himself with her. Next thing you will tell me is that her "husband", Sir Slick William, really didn't have sex with "that woman". Actually, he misunderstood the question and thought when they meant "that woman", they were talking about Saint Hillery. So, I guess he really was telling the truth. Posted by: El-ahrairah at January 23, 2004 10:47 AM
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