Front page
Archive
Silflay Hraka?


Bigwig is a systems administrator at a public university
Hrairoo is the proprietor of a quality used bookstore
Kehaar is.
Woundwort is a professor of counseling at a private university

The Hraka RSS feed

Email
bigwig AT nc.rr.com

Friends of Hraka
InstaPundit
Daily Pundit
cut on the bias
Meryl Yourish
This Blog Is Full Of Crap
Winds of Change
A Small Victory
Silent Running
Dr. Weevil
Little Green Footballs
ColdFury
Oceanguy
Fragments from Floyd
VodkaPundit
Allah
The Feces Flinging Monkey
Dean's World
Little Tiny Lies
The Redsugar Muse
Sperari
Natalie Solent
From the Mrs.
ErosBlog
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
On the Third Hand
Public Nuisance
Not a Fish
Rantburg
AMCGLTD
WeckUpToThees!
Electric Venom
Skippy, The Bush Kangaroo
Common Sense and Wonder
Neither Here Nor There
Wizbang!
Bogieblog
ObscuroRant
RocketJones
The Greatest Jeneration
Ravenwolf
Ipse Dixit
TarHeelPundit
Blog On the Run
blogatron
Redwood Dragon
Notables
Greeblie Blog
Have A Cuppa Tea
A Dog's Life
IMAO
Zonitics.com
Iberian Notes
Midwest Conservative Journal
A Voyage to Arcturus
HokiePundit
Trojan Horseshoes
In Context
dcthornton.blog
The People's Republic of Seabrook
Country Store
Blog Critics
Chicago Boyz
Hippy Hill News
Kyle Still Free Press
The Devil's Excrement
The Fat Guy
War Liberal
Assume the Position
Balloon Juice
Iron Pen In A Velvet Glove
IsraPundit
Freedom Lives
Where Worlds Collide
Knot by Numbers
How Appealing
South Knox Bubba
Heretical Ideas
The Kitchen Cabinet
Dustbury.com
tonecluster
Bo Cowgill
mtpolitics.net
Raving Atheist
The Short Strange Trip
Shark Blog
Hoplites
Jimspot
Ron Bailey's Weblog
Cornfield Commentary
Testify!
Northwest Notes
pseudorandom
The Blog from the Core
Ain'tNoBadDude
CroMagnon
The Talking Dog
WTF Is It Now??
Blue Streak
Smarter Harper's Index
nikita demosthenes
Bloviating Inanities
Sneakeasy's Joint
Ravenwood's Universe
The Eleven Day Empire
World Wide Rant
All American
Pdawwg
The Rant
The Johnny Bacardi Show
The Head Heeb
Viking Pundit
Mercurial
Oscar Jr. Was Here
Just Some Poor Schmuck
Katy & Bruce Loebrich
But How's The Coffee?
Roscoe Ellis
Foolsblog
Sasha Castel
Dodgeblogium
Susskins Central Dispatch
DoggerelPundit
Josh Heit
Attaboy
Aaron's Rantblog
MojoMark
As I was saying...
Blog O' Dob
Dr. Frank's Blogs Of War
Betsy's Page
A Knob for Brightness
Fresh Bilge
The Politburo Diktat
Drumwaster's rants
Curt's Page
The Razor
An Unsealed Room
The Legal Bean
Helloooo chapter two!
As I Was Saying...
SkeptiLog AGOG!
Tong family blog
Vox Beth
Velociblog
I was thinking
Judicious Asininity
This Woman's Work
Fragrant Lotus
DaGoddess
Single Southern Guy
Caerdroia
GrahamLester.Com
Jay Solo's Verbosity
TacJammer
Snooze Button Dreams
Horologium
You Big Mouth, You!
From the Inside looking Out
Night of the Lepus
No Watermelons Allowed
From The Inside Looking Out
Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics
Suburban Blight
Aimless
The SmarterCop
Dog of Flanders
From Behind the Wall of Sleep
Beaker's Corner
Bad State of Gruntledness
Who Tends The Fires
Granny Rant
Elegance Against Ignorance
Moxie.nu
Eccentricity
Say What?
Blown Fuse
Wait 'til Next Year
The Pryhills
The Whomping Willow
The National Debate
The Skeptician
Zach Everson
MonkeyWatch
Geekward Ho
Argghhh!!!
Life in New Orleans
Rotten Miracles
Fringe
The Biomes Blog
illinigirl
See What You Share
Truthprobe
Blog díElisson
Your Philosophy Sucks
Watauga Rambler
Socialized Medicine
Consternations
Verging on Pertinence
Read My Lips
ambivablog
Soccerdad
The Flannel Avenger
Butch Howard's WebLog
Castle Argghhh!
Andrew Hofer
kschlenker.com
Moron Abroad
White Pebble
Darn Floor
Wizblog
tweedler
Pajama Pundits
BabyTrollBlog
Cadmusings
Goddess Training 101
A & W
Medical Madhouse
Slowly Going Sane
The Oubliette
American Future
Right Side Redux
See The Donkey
Newbie Trucker
The Right Scale
Running Scared
Ramblings Journal
Focus On Reality
Wyatt's Torch

July 13, 2005

20 Questions for a Magic Eight Ball Judge

I've seen it suggested elsewhere, by smarter people than me, that perhaps Dubya should nominate a Magic Eight Ball to fill Justice O'Connor's spot on the Supreme Court. It makes sense. The Eight Ball would be more predictable, given that the icosahedronal dice can only offer up to 20 possible answers, whereas Sandy Baby's random answers were infinitely variable. But what kind of answers might we expect from a Magic Eight Ball?

I decided to put some hot-button legal questions to my Magic Eight Ball, just to see how it would resolve some cases. This is the inaugural episode of my version of Howard Bashman's excellent 20 Questions for a Judge. The only difference here is that there is no legal authority permitting the Magic Eight Ball to sanction me and my clients if I ask truly impertinent questions. Here's the results of my scintillating Q&A session.

---------------------

If you were to offer one comment to the, erm, prisoners of conscience held at Gitmo, regarding their court cases, what would it be?
# Outlook Good

What are the prospects of expanding the "federalism revolution" and trimming the reach of the regulatory state?
# Outlook Not So Good

Any chance of revisiting Roe v. Wade in my lifetime, and throwing the abortion debate back into the state legislatures, where "the people" actually have some say in it?
# My Reply Is No

Will the Court grant cert in a gay marriage case this fall?
#Don't Count On It

Will the Court nip away at the death penalty, say, by ruling old folks or some other random category of people out of bounds?
# You May Rely On It

Will the Court reconsider its decisions allowing partial birth abortion?
# Ask Again Later

In other words, you are going to tease social conservatives again with the possibility of overturning Roe, or at least Stenberg's partial birth decision, and then screw them at the last minute?
# Most Likely

But what is the long term effect of your short-sighted, politically-oriented judicial activism?
# Cannot Predict Now

As I suspected. So then, are you comfortable acting as a super-legislature, essentially writing new law from the bench?
# Yes

Are you aware that the public is getting really pissed, and that last month's Kelo decision has them ready to storm the Court?
# Yes Definitely

Um, do you have any defenses in place to prevent this, fixed gun emplacements, or some secret reaction force that's tougher than the geriatric marshalls now guarding the Court?
# Better Not Tell You Now

Hmmm... In a Steel Cage Free For All Death Match featuring all the Justices, would Justice Scalia kick everybody else's ass, then challenge Goldberg (the wrestler Goldberg, not Justice Arthur Goldberg; he's dead) to a comeback showdown match, at SuperSlam XXII?
# It Is Certain

Could Goldberg, or any of the candyasses now in pro wrestling, defeat Justice Scalia?
# Very Doubtful
# But the Iron Sheikh, now he could kick Scalia's ass, easily. So could Jimmy Superfly Snuka. And George the Animal Steele - he'd give Nino a run for his money.

[Okay, fine, the Magic Eight Ball didn't say that, I did. But I sensed it would answer this way, in the emanations of penumbras of the blue fluid in the ball. I figure that if the Court can just make shit up, so can I.]

Wow. Don't you think pro wrestling would destroy the last vestiges of the Court's reputation? I mean, Justice Ginsburg as a ring girl... [shudder!]. Or isn't there enough reputation left to make it worth preserving, and you'd rather just hustle the Benjamins?
# It Is Decidedly So

Last fall, the full implications of Apprendi became clear in a couple mandatory sentencing cases, resulting in the overturning of the federal sentencing scheme. What guidance would you offer to the U.S. Sentencing Commission in crafting new sentencing guidelines?
# Concentrate and Ask Again

Is Microsoft due to make another appearance in your court?
# Signs Point to Yes


Are you sure that you won't be trying to use Lawrence to sneak a gay marriage case past us in the fall?
# My Sources Say No


Aha, as I thought. Well then, do you intend to use all sorts of wacked out international law norms, ab-norms, and law review articles, to butcher the constitution and U.S. sovereignty this term?
# Without a Doubt

Did y'all smoke some chronic prior to issuing the decision in Raich, last Spring's medical marijuana case?
# Reply Hazy, Try Again

Figures. Do you believe there's a problem with judges acting subjectively in applying international law as a normative factor in constitutional interpretation?
# As I See It, Yes

Hmmm... well, QED. Thanks for taking the time to sit down and answer some questions for us, Judge Magic Eight Ball.

--------------

Well, there you have it. Twenty Questions for a Magic Eight Ball Judge.

If you have ideas about another random or semi-random inanimate object that you'd like me to query for next month's Twenty Questions, please let me know.

But I have to warn you - no Ouija boards. Those things are totally fake, and the results would be, like, totally rigged.

Posted by Blackavar at July 13, 2005 10:49 PM | TrackBack
Postscript:
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
Comments


Given Bush likely wants to appoint yet another submissive bastard stepchild of Scalia, the Magic 8-Ball's sounding better and better.

It's more intelligent and independent of mind than Clarence Thomas at least.

Hm...Scalia, Thomas, a new Scalia clone (Hispanic, so you can tell the three apart...) ... hey, only one more Horseman to go! Yay, apocalypse.

Posted by: Michael Jones at July 14, 2005 01:25 PM

You see?

Not only would the Magic Eight Ball be a great choice for the Supreme Court, it would have bipartisan support.

My only worry is that Justice Rehnquist will pass away, and weíll have to search for a second Supreme Court justice simultaneously.

Personally, Iíll be recommending the 10-sided die from the Dungeons & Dragons set that Iíve owned since childhood. Granted, the intellect of the 10-sided die is only half as wide-ranging as the 20-sided block in the Magic Eight Ball, but its cryptic answers, limited to the numerals one through ten, would provide just the kind of bright line rules conservatives are comfortable with.

And if by some chance we get an opportunity to appoint a third judge, well, thereís only one choice: A can of Spinach. Its paper trail may be limited, and it doesnít say much, but I hear that it makes you strong to the finich, and that has to be worth something in an era when the legal reasoning of this Court is so bloddy weak.

Posted by: Blackavar at July 14, 2005 02:13 PM

I thought the Magic 8-Ball was a dodecahedron.

Posted by: Eric Jablow at July 14, 2005 07:24 PM
Post a comment Note: Comments with more than two dashes per line will be blocked as spam.









Remember personal info?