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July 03, 2005

There's No Such Thing as a Free Concert

Here's a quick Q&A for those who missed Saturday's Live 8 concerts.

Q: How many Live 8 concerts were there?

A: Ten, mostly in G8 nations.

Q: How many millionaires of mild-summer IQ gathered to tell me I wasn't doing enough to fight hunger in Africa?

A: Well in excess of 100.

Q: How good did the music have to be to outweigh the sheer tonnage of sanctimony pouring from the stage?

A: Significantly better than it was.

Q: How does Sir Bob Geldof's demand for an additional $25 billion dollars in foreign aid square with the Live 8 website's claim that "We don't want your money - we want you!"?

A: It's pretty simple. When liberals ask for money, they want "Government Money," not "People Money." While People Money is earned, Government Money comes from special vaults located in each of the G8 nations. These vaults produce fresh currency whenever someone speaks the magic words Boom Chicka Wow. The largest vaults are in the United States.

Q: Didn't we fix this problem when Geldof and Co. milked us for a pile of cash 20 years ago?

A: Sadly, no. Somehow Geldof got knighted in the deal, but the problem persists. It seems that when you take a bunch of corrupt African governments and give them money specifically earmarked to feed the hungry, the money does not go towards feeding the hungry. Ugly rumor has it that most of the money is kept by the corrupt African governments. Thus, the adjective "corrupt."

Q: How do we solve this problem?

A: Apparently by giving the corrupt African governments incredibly huge, unwieldy wheelbarrow loads of cash. After the corrupt government officials injure themselves trying to push the wheelbarrows, the starving masses will be able to grab some of the dough while the government officials are all at the chiropractor's office.

Q: Sounds dubious. Can't we just remove the corrupt regimes and replace them with better ones?

A: While the effectiveness of this solution has not been fully determined, the solution, when tried, has proven much less popular than some had anticipated.

Q: Since the United States only got one, lousy, pissant concert in Philadelphia, does that mean we are only expected to carry 10% of the water on this particular death march?

A: What do you think?

Posted by Hrairoo at July 3, 2005 02:06 PM | TrackBack
Postscript:
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
Comments

Happy 4th July!

Posted by: ExpatEgghead at July 4, 2005 12:14 AM

Grew up in a corrupt, third-world country. dad worked for a while as a hi-faluting economist with the UN's FAO . And what i learnt from personal experience is this - the feel-good, do-gooders like "Sir" Bob, are full of sanctimonous BS!!!! Untill and unless there are structural changes made in thos African countries, and t he extremely corrupt leaders, and the govt systems they have developed are cleaned out, no amount aid will help. The money given will dissappear into the secret Swiss bank accounts of African dictators and their cronies.
Happy July 4th, Y'all!!!!!!!!!! :):):)

Posted by: ronin at July 4, 2005 11:28 AM
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