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April 08, 2005

Remind you of anyone?

Warning: Mom, Dad and other good Christians do not click the following link or read anything on this site.

TuckerMax.com

I used to think that Red Bull was the most destructive invention of the past 50 years. I was wrong. Red Bull has been usurped by the portable alcohol breathalyzer. The same device that cops have been using for 10 years to conduct field sobriety tests is now offered by the Sharper Image for $99. It is the size and shape of a small cell phone with a clear round tube sticking up from the top, almost like an antenna. One blows into the tube, and a few seconds later a Blood Alcohol Content (BAC) reading is given. Though not as accurate as a blood test, they are accurate to within .01, which is good enough for my purposes.

9:15: No one else has arrived. I order my third vodka and club. While I wait for it, I try out my portable breathalyzer. I blow a .02. This is the greatest invention ever made. I am giddy. I show the breathalyzer to the fake-breasted Jewish women next to me. We begin a conversation.

9:16: They both have thick Long Island accents. I summon the bartender over and change my order to a tall double vodka on the rocks, splash of club.

9:23: Four people at the bar have tried my breathalyzer, both of the fake-breasted women included. Everyone wants to know their BAC. I am the center of attention. I am happy.

This guys is also known for being an a-hole, btw. Coincidence? I think not.

Posted by Kehaar at April 8, 2005 04:45 PM | TrackBack
Postscript:
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
Comments

That man is my real brother.

Posted by: Bigwig at April 8, 2005 09:31 PM

Yeah, and he doesn't have to say everything twice, either.

Posted by: Blackavar at April 8, 2005 09:45 PM

I am pleasantly surprised to see Silflay has found and enjoys Tucker Max ... I thought I was a fan nigh alone in the non raunchy-humor sector of the blog world.

Posted by: Andrew Watkins at April 14, 2005 06:18 PM
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