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March 01, 2005

That really stinks

JS Online: This is not your everyday 'Skunk bites man' story

"He should not have been put down. They did not even give Carol a chance to say goodbye," wrote a woman from South Carolina.

More penis damage stories can be found here.

Posted by Kehaar at March 1, 2005 04:09 PM | TrackBack
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.

Kehaar, I'm glad you're staying on top of the pecker-wreckers.

You'll be happy to know I'm keeping up on all the scat that's fit for print.

Remember the blown out terlet I told you about last week? The one that needed two burly plumbers and a gas powered snake to clean up?

I go into the stall today, and the same seat is covered in blood. What the hell are these people doing? Was it the same guy who blew a colon last week, only today he was empty and bleeding out like a half rendered hog in the slaughterhouse?

Bleeding on the seat?

To answer the obvious question, no, Iím a dude, and this was the Dudes Room. What the hell is going on here? Inexplicable blood, and lots of it. Was it another skunk/penis related crime? Did the bastid cram the dead body of some poor plumber down it? I imagine his victim as a plumber, since only a man with an inveterate hatred of that guild would wreak the havoc that this avenger does.

Doesn't the crapping avenger realize that pretty soon, the psychic baggage attached to the terlet on my office building floor will be so bad, that Iíll have to go up a floor, or down one to find a suitable relief point? Well, preferably up one, since I have no idea what is seeping into the terlet below through the floor.

And how does one retaliate against some anonymous and vicious terlet wrecker like this one? Obviously, nothing is out of bounds to such a filthy creature. What disgusts such a man? Quite obviously, severe bleeding slows him not, nor does making a deposit (and sitting amongst it) that resembles a water balloon filled with Hershey's, heaved at high speed against a wall.

I am open to suggestions. Please just keep in mind, my colleagues and friends use that terlet, so covering the front of the seat in Dave's Insanity Sauce and hoping for the avenger to make a (truly painful) inadvertant contact, just like my roomie in law school days, is out. It's bad enough to face the bathroom disaster a couple times a week, without having to deal with one friend, a very senior attorney, curled up on the floor, screaming and crying in his own ordure... That would be nearly as bad as a skunk bite on the pecker...

Any hints?

Posted by: Blackavar at March 1, 2005 06:53 PM

Blackavar, I'm going to have to take some time to answer this one. Please hold!

One thought: have you considered surveillance?

Posted by: Kehaar at March 1, 2005 08:31 PM

If by "surveillance" you mean an M-2 .50 cal machine gun, surreptitiously mounted trip-gun style above the drop ceiling, with a chemical / biological warfare sensor trigger mounted in the tiles behind the appliance, why then yes, surveillance is actively under consideration.

That, or exorcism. It occurs to me that the terlet may actually be possessed, and the "leavin's" may actually be "findin's" spat up by a demonic throne and it's evil PVC pipeline servants, and serpentine traps - a possibility with terrifying Freudian dimensions.

Posted by: Blackavar at March 1, 2005 08:42 PM
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