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January 21, 2005

Endlessly Diverting

Axis of Evil
Iraq
Iran
North Korea

Outposts of Tyranny
Cuba
Myanmar
Belarus
Zimbabwe

So what's next? Is there an "Outposts of Just as Tyrannical" to go along with the "Axis of Just as Evil?" If not, which countries are next on the naughty list? What do we call them?

I like "Bastions of Bastardy" myself. I'll take nominations, though any Mark Twain fan will know which country is first on the list, even if it is already a member of the Axis of Weasels.

During a tour in France, Mark Twain's host, Paul Bourget, had been baiting Twain about America's lack of traditions. "When an American has nothing else to do, he can always spend some time trying to trace his ancestory back to his grandfather," said Bourget.

"Yes," said Twain, "and when a Frenchman has nothing better to do, he can always try to find out who his father is."

Posted by Bigwig at January 21, 2005 12:43 PM | TrackBack
Postscript:
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
Comments

you've forgotten spongebob and the teletubbies. They're looking to make you gay.

Posted by: yer sister at January 21, 2005 12:49 PM

John Cleese already explored the "axis of evil" topic.


It's an oldie, but a goodie.

Posted by: Sully at January 21, 2005 03:20 PM

Axis of Evil

By John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya, China and Syria announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea Axis President George W. Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters , a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil . . . we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II, you had Germany, Italy and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Our is wicked cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil," forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil," while Bulgaria, Indonesia, and Russia established the "Axis of Not so Much Evil as Really Just Generally Disagreeable."

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries that Aren't the Worst but Certainly Won't be Asked to Host the Olympics."

Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America," while Scotland, New Zealand and Span established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep To Wear Lipstick." "That's really not a threat, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious President George W. Bush granted approval for most Axis, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries whose Names End in 'Guay'," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel, meanwhile insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

Posted by: Sully at January 21, 2005 03:21 PM

oh, nevermind

Posted by: Sully at January 21, 2005 03:24 PM
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