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Bigwig is a systems administrator at a public university
Hrairoo is the proprietor of a quality used bookstore
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Woundwort is a professor of counseling at a private university

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September 28, 2004

Shower Procedure

Got this in an email from an old camp friend of mine and Bigwig's. I laugh because it is not too far from the truth.

How to Shower Like a Woman
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups!
4. Step into shower.
5. Lather up shampoo and massage into hair.
6. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
7. Rinse out shampoo and apply conditioner.
8. Wash entire rest of body with ginger & jaffa cake body wash.
9. Rinse conditioner out of hair.
10. Shave armpits and legs.
11. Turn off shower.
12. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
13. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
14. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
15. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
16. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
17. Get dressed and hang up towel.

How To Shower Like a Man
1.Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look in the mirror, look at your wiener and scratch your butt.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face.
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving the hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. P artially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on bed.

Posted by Woundwort at September 28, 2004 08:56 AM | TrackBack
Postscript:
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
Comments

This is a great one!! Very funny! Don't forget, men also like to pat and rub their belly like it's an old friend and make some comment about exercising and getting back in shape.

Posted by: Mason at September 28, 2004 09:05 AM

Hatecrime!

Posted by: Blackavar at September 28, 2004 11:49 AM

This is very funny, and also very true!!! Thanks for posting it.

Posted by: sid at September 28, 2004 11:54 AM

"They urinate in there!" --George Costanza's dad

Posted by: Jim at September 28, 2004 06:18 PM

Not only funny, but true. Bigwig's dad got a big laugh and shared it with all his buddies.

Posted by: Yomama at September 29, 2004 10:35 AM

Interesting but I saw a recent statistic that stated that 40% of women urinate in the shower.
Other than that, pretty straight forward! Funny!

Posted by: Jotaito at September 22, 2005 06:17 PM
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