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July 15, 2004

Delivering the Meat

So, I go out to my car around 2:30 this afternoon to come to work and piddle around at the office. I get to my car in the driveway about the time some small truck with a chest freezer strapped in the back pulls in. Some scary looking dude gets out and asks me if I am the man of the house.

“Yes,” I reply.

He shakes my hand and says he is from The Meat Locker and he is making deliveries in the area. Great, I figure since I am on the Do Not Call Registry that this guy is taking another approach and just showing up at the house.

“Thanks,” I said, “but I don’t want any.” This is when the attitude began.

“Oh, you don’t?,” he asked, somewhat surprised, as if everyone was following him around the neighborhood like the ice cream truck, wanting to buy his goodies.

“That’s right,” I answered, more rudely than he.

“You don’t like steaks?,” he continues.

“I like them, I just don’t want any.”

“Well, how do you know you don’t want any if you haven’t seen them?”

My temperature rises as I reply, “I don’t have to see them, I know what steaks look like, I just don’t want any of your's.”

“Oh,” he continues, not yet getting the point, “you can’t fit them in your freezer?”

“Yes,” I replied with as much sarcasm as I could muster, and that is a LOT, “I can’t fit them in my freezer.”

“I bet I could fit them in there,” he says with a lot of confidence.

What the hell? Is he showing me how macho he is or trying to impress me with his freezer organization skills? I was ready to go, and getting pissed, no longer concerned with how I came across.

“I’m sure you would do a great job organizing my freezer, but I don’t want any of what you got……..nothing.”

“Fine,” he said, finally getting the idea, “have a good one.” He quickly got in his truck, slammed the door and sped out of my driveway.

I can think of few things as gross to me as buying meat from this strange guy with a big ass freezer strapped down in the bed of his scary looking truck. After he left I thought of all these great things I should have said to him, but the best was, “I am the only one who delivers the meat in this house.”

Damn, I wish he would come back so I could use that one on him.

Posted by Woundwort at July 15, 2004 03:13 PM | TrackBack
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I met a guy in a bar once who claims that his job was selling steaks, etc. I think it's the new pyramid scheme/door-to-door sales gig. I can't imagine ANYONE purchasing meat from a guy going door to door. Something about that just screams "serial killer".

Posted by: Kehaar at July 15, 2004 04:30 PM

I agree, and this guy looked the part. For all I know he had a collection of head and body parts in that freezer and I was not about to let his scary ass into my house.

Posted by: Woundwort at July 15, 2004 04:32 PM

In the driveway there came such rude blares
From a hawker of tenderloin wares.
     Now thus sayeth Woundwort:
     (And sir, be attuned for ‘t)
“Raw meat here is solely mein hare’s”

Posted by: Stephen at July 15, 2004 05:46 PM

Where do you think he gets the fresh meat? From the tender loins of those unwary enough to let him in.

Posted by: Dr. Weevil at July 16, 2004 08:01 AM

“I am the only one who delivers the meat in this house.” Can't stop laughing.

Posted by: Mason at July 16, 2004 12:16 PM

Well, home-delivered meat is a great thing. But not from some guy with a freezer in his pickup.

Schwann's, yes. Random guy, no.

Posted by: Sigivald at July 16, 2004 03:40 PM

That sounds more like a bad dream than something that actually happened. Very disturbing.

On a lighter note, now I can't get this out of my head.

Posted by: Greg at July 16, 2004 07:13 PM
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