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May 27, 2004

Ebay is the Devil

Well, Memorial Day is nearly upon us and Summer is right around the corner and the weather outside is bright and beautiful. This time of year tends to bring to mind memories of Summer Camp and of lazing in the warm sunshine listening to the gentle slap of the river against the bottom of a boat. In my daydreams, I am back on the river, back in a boat, enjoying the company of good friends and cool beverages.

Now, I'm not the type to daydream anything half-way. I need to feed my daydream. I need to make it a little more concrete and detailed. I need a specific boat to include in my little mental painting. This leads me to eBay, the site where daydreams become reality. I browse through the various boating offerings on the site and happily picture myself and several bikini-clad vixens enjoying the sunshine out on the river. "One day", I think to myself. "One day I'll have my boat."

But not yet.

The bubble of my daydream bursts with the pinprick of cold reality. I can't have a boat yet. Why not? Because I don't have a vehicle capable of towing the boat. I have a 2003 Honda Accord. It doesn't have the horses to tow a boat. It doesn't even have a trailer-hitch. I need something with some horses. I need something with a hitch. I need a 4x4.

So we're back on eBay, but this time we're looking for a truck. My daydream has to have a little more reality, a little more detail. Otherwise I just can't be content with it. It has to be something concrete and specific. And I find just the thing: a 1987 Isuzu Trooper II. It's not new or in mint condition, but it's perfect for towing a boat. And for the annual fishing trip. And bidding is only at $600 dollars. It's a steal. Hell, with a fresh paintjob and a rebuilt engine, the damn thing will run forever.

Before I knew it, my bid was in. And I set my maximum bid a tad high, just to make sure I would win.

And then I woke up. What the hell am I thinking? I don't want a second vehicle. What about tags? What about insurance? Where am I going to keep it? With gas at $2.10 a gallon, why the hell do I want an SUV, especially a 1987 Trooper II with 138,000 miles and rust on the hood? And I really don't have anywhere to keep a boat unless I want to pay the marina at the lake $1200 a year to store the damn thing. And how often am I going to be going out on the damn boat anyway? And what if either one of the vehicles breaks down? How much is it going to cost to keep them running? Everyone knows that a boat is just a hole in the water into which you throw money. I don't even know any vixens willing to lounge around my boat in their tiny bikinis.

By the time all those thoughts had run through my head, utterly destroying my peaceful daydream, bidding was up to $800.00 and I am still the leading bidder by $200.00 and there are only 17 and-a-half hours left in the auction.

I'm convinced that I've just purchased an Isuzu Trooper II. But I'm praying to GOD that someone will come along and outbid me on this fine, worthy vehicle. Know anybody that wants to buy a Trooper?

Update: Six dollars. Six dollars separate me and my freedom. Lord, let someone else bid six more dollars on the Trooper and I will worship you all of my days.

Okay, so that's probably sacreligious. If so, I'm sorry, Lord. But pppllleeeasse let me be outbid! Twelve hours and counting...

Second Update: Outbid! Outbid with 30 minutes to spare!! But boy did I spend a restless night. I woke up at 1:45 a.m. just to check the status of the auction. No movement. Ugh. But I've finally been outbid!!

Posted by Kehaar at May 27, 2004 03:59 PM | TrackBack
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I'll be your bikini clad vixen, brother. MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: yer sister at May 27, 2004 04:26 PM

That isn't exactly what I had in mind in my daydream. That's more of my nightmare. And it would never have encouraged me to purchase either a boat or a vehicle with which to tow said boat.

Posted by: kehaar at May 27, 2004 04:29 PM

Soooo, your prayer was answered. Don't forget your promise to God!

Posted by: Yomama at May 28, 2004 09:32 AM

I'm glad you lost the bid, but I must admit, I'd be chortling loudly if you'd won!! :) Besides, you never seem to have difficulty finding vixens - keeping them, on the other hand, is a different story . . .

Posted by: Clover at May 28, 2004 10:23 AM

Right on - why not just get a trailer hitch for the Honda?

That is the recipe for picking up bikini clad hotties - 1987 Trooper II that won't start, and a used boat that only goes in the water once a year....good thinking!


Posted by: Clif at May 28, 2004 10:50 AM

Thanks so much for the support from my close and dear friends. But think how cool the fishing trip would be with a throw-away truck and a sturdy Grady White fishing boat!?

Posted by: Kehaar at May 28, 2004 11:26 AM
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