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March 18, 2004

The Sure Thing

Sour Bob has developed a mathematical expression of the chances of success when asking a woman for her phone number at a bar. It boils down to the same principle as sales--you've got to make a certain number of attempts in order to make a sale.

For myself, I always thought asking for a phone number in and of itself was an admission of defeat, and women don't like losers. No wonder the expression implies that 12 attempts are required for one success.

Of course, during my bar days, I only dated other regulars--that might affect the equation. In case you're wondering, yes, the Sainted Wife was one of them.

Yes, she was the last one! I don't care for what you're implying, mister.

In any case, the way to deal with women in bars is to realize that cutting a member out of the herd is one of the toughest things there is to do. It's much easier to attain success if one exploits the internal politics of the herd, or the Suck, as we used to call groups of sorority girls.

You know, Murder of Crows, Pod of Whales, Suck of Sorority Sisters.

Keep it simple. Women travel in groups. So should you. First off, a lone guy at the bar is spooky. He could be anybody--serial killer, conspiracy theorist, momma's boy. A guy who is part of a group, on the other hand--he's got friends, thus relieving himself of the vast majority of the baggage that accompanies a single guy.

It's best to be the leader of the group, but that should be self-evident. Leaders always get more.

At some point before the evening is over, invite her group out in the name of your group. The way female relationships work, if any portion of her group is attracted to any portion of your group, then the group will accept on behalf of the portion.

Groups of women are subject to many ever changing and complex dynamics, but for bar purposes there is one important one; The needs of the many are outweighed by the needs of the few, or the one. No, Spock didn't say that, he said the opposite.* One girl with a crush can cause the group, or at least other members of it, to do things they would not normally do in order to further the possibility of her obtaining a relationship with the man in question. As to where to go----Durham Bulls baseball games and parties were always winners for us. You kids with your raves nowadays, you've got lots of places to go, right?

If the woman you wanted to show up doesn't, then a question has been answered. No, she wouldn't have given you her phone number.

If she does show up, then proceed from there. Yes, there's the possibility that a member of her group was attracted to a portion of your group that didn't actually include you, but them's the breaks. Besides, there's going to be at least one other female there--just switch targets. At the very least, the chances of success has been raised to a much higher level than they were in the bar.

Either make your play then, or try for another group thing--if the groups are compatible, there will always be intra-group hookups going on, with never a need to put one's ego on the line by asking for a number. Phone numbers will come naturally.

If all the above sounds too complicated--well, there's always the classics. Buy her group a lot of beer, and see which ones get slutty.

*Whatever you do, don't mention Spock unless she does first. Hide your love of Spock until after your first child together.

Posted by Bigwig at March 18, 2004 12:21 PM | TrackBack
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Posted by: Stephen at March 18, 2004 03:29 PM
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