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March 09, 2004

I'm A Lumberjack, And I'm OK

Speaking of gay, what's up with the Brawny Man contest?

The winning Brawny Man will receive his make over from Hollywood fashion maven Melissa Rivers

Yea, I can see men the world over rushing to sign up for that. There's nothing we men enjoy more than winning a makeover from paper products company, unless it's a spa day from an air freshener manufacturer.

I get the feeling that the news of his prize will come as a shock to the eventual winner. Most of the entrants will be entered by their wives/girlfriends, who are presumably the same women who visit in search of fashion tips they can give their man.

Don't Change Your Man: Is your guy a little frumpy? Or more the prepster? Tall? Short? Thin or full-figured? Likes to party or does he enjoy lazy Sundays? It's important for people to learn to love what they've got.

Because you're no prize either, missy.

Copy the Hunks: Does your man resemble George Clooney or Matt Damon? Watch what they do to change their look or wardrobe. If these changes work on them, they will most likely work on your guy, too. And, it's free advice!

If he doesn't resemble George or Matt, there's alway's Rick.

Lead By Example: Help him know how he can help you out. Sometimes he really wants to, but just doesn't quite know how. Start by showing him little things that he can do to make your life easier.

"Honey, you know I love dark socks and Bermuda Shorts, but..."

Face First: Force him to take care of his skin. Suggest for him to always apply a SPF moisturizer before going outside. When it comes to shaving try using a new blade every one to two weeks, and a shaving cream that has been fortified with hydrating emollients.

"The boys down at the bar are going to make fun of your age spots again."

Mix It Up: Help him change up his daily routine. Plea to his inner burly character by asking him to help around the house. Unearth his dusty tool kit and have him do some good with it - like fix up rooms in the house that need improvements. Or just ask him to cook dinner every once in a while. Walk him through the recipe - and don't forget to ask him to help clean up, too!

Just as every journey begins with a single step, so does every project begin with a single nag.

The Brawny Balance: Maintaining a healthy physique and toned body is important. Exercising and eating healthy is key to living a balanced lifestyle. It's fun and helps reduce stress. Not to mention, working out as a couple is great time spent together.

Waka chicka Waka chicka Waka chicka Waka chicka

Urge Him To Be Spontaneous: If he sees a spill on the kitchen floor go ahead and wipe it up with a Brawny paper towel. It's ok for him to wash dishes or do laundry without you telling him to. A guy's first instinct is usually right.

Men who use Bounty are not spontaneous, never think of your needs and are probably morally weak. Dump him immediately.

Fashion Basics: Make sure your man has at least one well-tailored suit for special occasions, and matching belt and shoes. A pair of nice dark blue jeans are a great versatile piece that can be dressed up with a jacket and loafers or worn causally with a knit shirt.

A wife beater and bowling shoes are a no-no at most formal occasions.

Be Optimistic Together: View life in a positive way and stay energized. Enjoy life, be thankful and strive to be happy.

And use Brawny, the gigantic metrosexual's favorite after-sex wipe!

Posted by Bigwig at March 9, 2004 01:18 PM | TrackBack
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.

I always thought the Brawny guy looked a lot like a porn star. Totally creepy.

Posted by: lotus at March 9, 2004 05:57 PM
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