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December 02, 2003

A Christmas Story

Message of The Day, 12/02/2003

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Yasser Araflatus that all the Jews should be killed...

And all went to kill Jews, every one into his own city.

And Yusef also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into the West Bank, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem;

And with him went Miriam, one of his espoused wives, who was fat as a Fatah member on the dole, for she was great with child.

And verily did Yusef say unto Miriam; "Pray unto Allah for a boy, for if you are delivered of a girl, I shall beat you about the chest and belly with heavy leather straps, and your bruises shall not be seen by any eye but mine own."

And Miriam did pray unto Allah, begging him for a boy and an heir to the house of Yusef, for she had not recovered from her last beating.

And Yusef did also pray unto Allah, praising him greatly and at length, and thanking Allah for the voluminous robes of the women, for they did allow him to beat his wife with impunity.

And Allah did hear the prayer of Yusef, but not the prayer of Miriam, for who really cares what women have to say?

And Allah, as a sign of his favor, land his hand upon the unborn child of Yusef and Miriam, and did write his name upon the cheek of the child. But as the womb of Miriam was dark, and Allah not much for spelling to begin with, being a God of illiterate herders and desert raiders, Allah did misspell his own name, leaving only "Ala" upon the cheek of the infant and "wuz heer" on the side of Miriam's womb.

And so it was, that, while Yusef and Miriam were in Bethlehem, the days were accomplished that Miriam should be delivered.

And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes that Yusef begged of a Jew while casing the security at a nearby daycare center, and laid him in a manger; because Yusef, after the manner of the all the men in his family, for he was of the Line of Yasser, cared intimately for the birds of the field and the asses of the manger.

And many people did espy the child, for a Palestinian Public Manger is a busy place indeed, and cried aloud at the markings upon his cheek, for if the people squinted in just the right way, the markings appeared to resemble writing of some kind.

And there were in the same country Hamas Recruiters abiding in the basements of the city, keeping watch over their flocks of brain-washed lunatics by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid, for they were followers of Allah. But the angel sniffed and made a face, as if he had smelled the wind of the Devil, and departed from them. And after the angel did depart a Member of Fatah did pop out from the corner behind which he had been cowering in fear.

And the Member said unto them, Fear not: for I think he did not see us. And behold! I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall allow us to kill even more Jews.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a useful tool, which is a baby with some crap upon his cheek. And as this hideous disfigurement does almost resemble a word, we shall proclaim him a "Miracle Baby" and use him to attract the superstitious and dim-witted to our cause.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in borrowed swaddling clothes, lying in the Public Manger on 45th street, surrounded by a gullible crowd of Easy Marks.

And suddenly there was with the Member a multitude of grossly overweight houris praising Allah and saying,

Glory to Allah in the highest, and on earth, go kill us some Israeli toddlers.

And it came to pass, as the houris were gone away from them into heaven, the Recruiters said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Fatah Member hath made known unto us.

And they came with haste, and found Miriam, and Yusef, and the babe lieing in the manger, telling all manner of Falsehoods, each of which was swallowed whole by the naifs surrounding them

And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the sayings which were told them concerning this child--That he was a Sign, and a Miracle, and a Portent of Things To Come, and He Wants You To Deliver Unto Me a Dollar.

And the Palestinians of Bethlehem did deliver unto the Recruiters many dollars, though some were Canadian. And the Hamas Recruiters and Fatah Members were well glad, for they were thus assured that the Palestinians were still mired in darkness and superstition, and thus not likely to wonder why their lot was never improved despite the many dollars given unto the Hamas Recruiters and Fatah Members.

And the Recruiters and Fatah Members did sing praises unto Allah, thanking him for his gift of a stupid people to rule over.

But Allah heard them not, for he had departed Paradise to have a Beer and a Pork sandwich with Vishnu down at the local pub.


I sent the Saudi Religious Police the above earlier today, via their handy web form for cowards and informers.

If you'd like to participate in the culture jamming of the Mutaween, a handy list of names to use can be found here. Directions for the form, as well as the reasons for the Messages of the Day, are here.

A list of all the Messages of the Day can be found here.

Posted by Bigwig at December 2, 2003 01:32 PM | TrackBack
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Another masterpiece!!!

Posted by: Indigo at December 2, 2003 06:34 PM

Good stuff! And it's not even about the grandchildren.

Posted by: Yomamma at December 3, 2003 12:20 PM
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