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November 13, 2003

Beating the Bush

The Democrats are coming up with the most creative ways to make it into the White House. The strategy for this election is apparently to reach out to those voters who have traditionally been ignored during previous elections. Howard Dean started this trend last week when he extended the olive branch to those voters who hold the Stars and Bars dear to their hearts. While it did spark some criticism (and generate publicity), Dean appears no worse for wear as he continues to gain support from various unions.

If I were a campaign manager for one of the Democrats I would encourage them to follow a similar plan, and search for support in the most unlikely of places. With that in mind, here is a list of potential voters who could be courted by the other Democrats:
1. Nazis - this population gets a bad rap because of their lack of hair styles and beating the shit out of people they don't like. It could be beneficial for one of the Dems. to speak out and say, "I want to be the candidate for people who drive around in scary looking, menacing vans with swastikas painted on the sides.
2. Sleeper cells of Al Qaida - these guys have been taking a pounding in the press. A Democrat could capitalize on this and reach out to them, quickly securing their votes. They could say, "I want to be the politician who connects with those people who hate us and want to blow up all of our shit. To hell with our women and children."
3. Pro-Lifers - imagine the landslide of support that a candidate could get if he were to only say, "I want to be the candidate for those people who choose life by killing doctors who perform abortions." (Sniff) I smell victory.
4. The Black Panthers - this would be sheer genious. Imagine hearing Kerry say, "I want to be the guy who helps my people stick it to the man." It's all about keeping people off-balance and that should do it.

I'm sure there are others but this would be a good start. Please offer any other suggestions you might have. Next stop, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Posted by Woundwort at November 13, 2003 11:10 AM | TrackBack
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Comments

Going after that many hardcore Republican constituiencies would probably be uneconomic, and the aftertaste would be revolting, as well.

Posted by: meg at November 13, 2003 08:23 PM

Please tell me that it was a simple accident that you listed Pro-Lifers with Nazis and Al Qaeda. I really, really hope it was.

Posted by: Robert Bauer at November 17, 2003 10:49 PM

Well, I recognize that all Pro-Lifers do not fall into this category, but those who believe they have some right to kill those who disagree with them do seem to have some things in common with the other groups listed.

Posted by: Woundwort at November 18, 2003 09:46 AM
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