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August 08, 2003

Adventures in Science! presents: Giant Cosmic Sperm

Further evidence supporting the Big Bang theory of creation was photographed today by the Hubble telescope, which snapped the first known picture of a Cosmic sperm, one that originated with the Universe's very first growth spurt.

Cosmic Sperm, near Virgo

pic via yahoo

An intergalactic sperm swimming through space. One million earths would fit into the tail end of the giant cosmic gamete.

According to the Big Bang theory, first proposed by famous physicist and cosmosexologist Albert Einstein, the Universe first came into existence when a great rip was torn in the Hymen of Nothingness, through which matter pulsed into the universe in one great spasm, perhaps followed by several smaller ones.

According to the theory, intergalactic sperm are intrinsic to the process of stellar creation. Each swims through the fabric of space seeking an egg nebula, which it then penetrates. The added mass and gravitational pull causes the nebula to coalesce and collapse into distinct regions of space, eventually becoming stars.

Egg Nebula

pic via the Hubble site

The eventual destination of an intergalactic sperm, an egg nebula. The origin of egg nebulas are unknown, though many gynastronomers hypothesize that they arise from deep inside unknown "dark matter crevices." A competing theory claims that the egg nebulas are ejected at regular intervals from Fallopian wormhole tubes.

The Big Bang theory was dismissed when Einstein first proposed it in 1923. Indeed, many of his peers claimed that Cosmic Sperm had no purpose at all. This was the chorus of criticism that led to Einstein's famous remark; "God does not give hand jobs to the universe."

Since Einstein's death, new evidence has arisen to support his theory, the most well known of which was the photo of a newly divided egg nebula, seen above, thought to have been fertilized by another intergalactic sperm less than 4 million years ago.

However, controversy still rages over the details of the theory, as the projected path of the newly discovered sperm takes it directly into the black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy. If, as Einstein theorized, every sperm is wanted, every sperm is good, that every sperm is needed in the galactic neighborhood, then why is this one headed, seemingly hell bent, towards a non-reproductive end?

A new theory proposes a certain rough target orientation for Cosmic Sperm, with some preferring entry into a black hole over union with an egg nebula, but at present it is only supported by about 10% of the worlds cosmosexologists.

Next week on Adventures in Science! - Tampon String Theory

Posted by Bigwig at August 8, 2003 12:28 AM | TrackBack
Postscript:
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
Comments

Well done, Bigwig! This-- this explains so MUCH!

Posted by: Elayne Riggs at August 8, 2003 10:17 PM
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