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July 28, 2003

Slutting Around

Some would say that luring readers in with a titillating title, such as 'Crack' nicotine in cigarettes varies widely, but providing them with no follow through would make the news organization printing the story the journalistic equivalent of a cock tease.

How else would one explain an article about the relative nicotine levels of various cigarette brands that mentions only one brand of cigarette?

What other reason could there be to leave out which cigarettes have the most bang for the buck, when obviously that's the only reason anyone bothers to read the bloody article in the first place?

Zod: Says the man who orders extra MSG at Chinese 35.

Now, we would never say call the fine people at New Scientist such a bad name. That's just a possible explanation, after all. We would just point out that for every one of the....withholders of the world, there's a site that will give you everything you want and ask nothing in return. A site that is the journalistic equivalent of a middle school slut; cheap, easy, and willing to please in exchange for little more than the occasional glance or small bit of attention.

We are that site.


Cigarette brands and their percentage of freebase nicotine, from the Journal of Chemical Research in Toxicology

American Spirit - 36%
Gauloises Brunes - 25%
Marlboro - 9.6%
Virginia Slims - 7.5%
Gauloises Blondes - 7.5%
Camel Turkish Gold 100s - 2.7%
Winston - 6.2%
Doral 100s 4.1%
Kamel Reds - 3.4%
Camel - 2.7%
GPC - 1.6%

How do we know this, when such facts obviously escaped the steely eyed journalistic pros at New Scientist?

We lucked out and downloaded a copy of the report before the journal home site put it behind a login. Either that or any visitor originating from a .edu address can take what they want. All I know is that I could get to it from work, but not from home.

It's a great study if one is a marketeer at American Spirit. I fully expect the next ad campaign to be the cigarette equivalent of Jolt Cola.

"All the taste of a Marlboro, with four times the buzz. American Spirit, the only legal, smokable high."

As for New Scientist, I ran across their corporate theme song. Have a listen.

Posted by Bigwig at July 28, 2003 10:49 PM | TrackBack
Postscript:
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
Comments

Bigwig, nobody gets the scoop like you.

You have missed your calling in life. It is obviously supposed to be "Collector Of Strange And Amusing Information That Is Sometimes Even Useful."

Posted by: Meryl Yourish at August 3, 2003 04:21 PM
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