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July 10, 2002

So, who will win? Superman

So, who will win?

Superman vs. Batman. My money is on Batman. I'm assuming that the people who are going to make this movie have read Return of the Dark Knight by Frank Miller, hands down the best comic ever written. (My brother, BigWig, also approves of DK2 (Dark Knight 2), but I thought it sucked, at least in comparison.) For those of you who haven't read Return of the Dark Knight, an aged Batman gives Superman all he can handle before throwing the fight. I'm hoping that the filmmakers have enough artistic sensibility to consider emulating the comic. However, it's Hollywood, and the director mentioned Matt Damon as a possibility for one of the heroes, so it looks like they will actually make it a draw. Bummer. But I'm hoping that Batman will be just as dark and questionable as in the comic and Superman will be just as...compromised?

Notwithstanding who wins, who would you cast as the heroes? And do you think that the director will be able to avoid the overt homosexual themes that destroyed "Batman and Robin"? (Okay, the overt homosexuality was only partly responsible for that movies failure. The other three reasons are George Clooney, Chris O'Donnell, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, not necessarily in that order. Oh...and the retarded Bane character. Oh...and Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl. Oh...and the fact that she was somehow related to Alfred rather than to Commissioner Gordon. Val Kilmer was the best Batman and they should have kept him, pain in the ass or no. Patrick Stewart would have made an AWESOME Mr. Freeze, and he can speak English. Robin should have been killed at the end of the third movie. Batgirl and Poison Ivy should've made out at least once. A little nudity from either one of them wouldn't have hurt.)

Where was I? Casting...I still like Val Kilmer as Batman and wouldn't say no to Michael Keaton again, though he seems to have really disappeared and looks emaciated. Viggo Mortensen (Aragorn from Lord of the Rings)? Not a bad choice, but speaks English only a little better than Schwarzenegger. Tommy Lee Jones wouldn't make a bad Dark Knight, if they did the older Batman. Too bad he already played Two Face, though that wouldn't be an issue for me. Tom Hanks? Tom Cruise? No and maybe? I know Nicolas Cage was mentioned as the next Superman. Maybe John Travolta as Superman. Joking of course. "Oh, Geez! Kryptonite! Oh, Geez, Mr. Kotter!" David Hasselhoff? Maybe when he gets out of rehab, and only if you showed the movie with French subtitles. Bruce Campbell! He would make kindof a wiseass Superman or Batman, but at least looks the part. "Hail to the King, baby." Bruce Willis? A little smug for either hero. Vin Diesel as Batman and The Rock as Superman? At least the muscles would be real.

I got it. Heath Ledger as Batman. Maybe.

I dunno. Whoever they pick is bound to piss me off one way or another. They'll probably get Matt Damon and Ben Affleck and I'll have to refuse to go see the movie. Or Freddie Prinze Jr. or Matthew Lillard or Ryan Phillipe. Oh, God Forbid! They might cast Richard Gere as one of the heroes. I might have to burn something down if that happens. Val Kilmer would probably piss me off least as Batman. Tommy Lee as an old Batman. Maybe Will Smith as Superman? Just for kicks? Nooooo...I got it again. Scott Glenn as the old Batman. He's perfect. He's got kinda chiseled features and he's gruff enough to pull it off. No, no, no, no, no! Peter Weller from Robocop! The perfect Batman, older or younger. Maybe even Superman. "Dead or Alive, you are coming with me." Kurt Russell as Superman? Maybe Kurt Russell as Batman? This could go on forever. I think Superman is harder to cast than Batman, of course. Keifer Sutherland as Batman. Works for me. What about Jeff Bridges as Superman? He could have done it when he was younger. Keanu Reeves? The Matrix made him a pretty convincing action hero. Maybe he could play Batman and that guy that played the Agent in Matrix could be Superman. "Humans are...a virus.", quoth Superman.

Maybe they should just make it computer animated a la' Final Fantasy.

And who do you think the next Batman villian will be? I'm hoping for The Scarecrow. Played by Robin Williams or Patrick Stewart or Ian McKellan.

Obviously fertile ground to plow. But I hope Batman kicks his ass.

Update: I can't believe I didn't think of this before. The perfect Dark Knight (older Batman): Clint Eastwood. He's gruff, he's surly, he's bad as hell. I did momentarily consider Jack Palance. Too comical maybe? Maybe he'd be a campy old Batman. Someone made the comment to me that if you made Keanu Reeves Superman, you'd be in keeping with history. First George, then Christopher, then Keanu. You have to wonder what horrible fate would meet Keanu afterwards. George killed himself and Christopher fell from a horse. And people say there's a curse if you play Jesus on screen...

Second Update: This discussion continued over at A Small Victory. New thoughts: Brad Pitt as Batman, Jason Patric or Ray Liotta as Superman, Johnny Depp as Batman villian The Mad Hatter, and Ed Norton as...some villian. I just don't know who yet.

Third Update: One of the silly Hrakas over at A Small Victory suggested that Brendan Fraser play Superman. I was astounded. Even with as many people as I've mentioned here, I never considered Fraser. I mean, have you people seen Blast from the Past or Monkeybone or Bedazzled or George of the Jungle or even The Mummy? The man can't act. He's goofy in a "I can't get past it" kind of way. (As opposed to the Bruce Campbell "he's goofy but I can get past it" goofy.) The one and only movie that I've seen him in that I really enjoyed in any way, shape, or form was Encino Man. Oh, okay, and I kindof enjoyed Airheads. And those aren't exactly movies that qualify him to play Superman. I can picture Fraser as one superhero and one superhero only. Plasticman.

Posted by Kehaar at July 10, 2002 11:31 PM | TrackBack
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