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August 03, 2002

Sowing a Carrot Reaps the Whirlwind

First the apologies. This is going out to multiple places, because there are multiple places where people are bitching at me. It's no problem for me, but some of you may run across it more than once. It's also going out to anyone who listed an email address in the comments on Instapundit, Armed Liberal, and here. Sorry about that. Second, It's late and I have to get up with a toddler in five hours, so I have given some arguments shorter shrift than they deserve. I'll email some of you personally with extra shrift later. Third, Armed Liberal has already put up a defense. I haven't read it yet, as I didn't want it to affect my thoughts. Fourth, thanks for all the comments.

So, there might be a smidgeon of doubt about the whole "bring the Palestinians over here and teach them good good manners and hygiene" thing. I'll do my best to address some of the more general themes of discontent, then move on the the more specific.

You are a wacko and your idea is nuts.

Curiously enough, I didn't expect to be accused of a being crazy, though anyone familar with the majority of my additions to the blogosphere could be expected to argue otherwise. Though, now that I think about it, the looney j'accuse makes perfect sense in light of the situation. What political dialogue there is about the Palestinian situation travels more or less down two specific tracks. The first one is that Israel is an aggressor and an occupier and must give up land for peace with the poor benighted Palestinians. The one more prevalent in the blogosphere is that the only way to prevent Palestinian violence is to punish them until they give up and let the Israelis live in peace. Then, and only then, can there be a Palestinian state. I thought of something different. It doesn't really fit in as filigree onto one of the two main themes, so it's crazy. Just because it's crazy doesn't mean that it won't work. And I think it will function elegantly with the second track. More on that later.

Bringing hundreds of thousands of Muslims to America means there will be suicide bombings in America.

Umm, there are already hundreds of thousands of Muslims in America. Heard of any of them blowing themselves up lately?

Fine, bringing thousands of Palestinians to America means there will be suicide bombings in America.

Well, thanks to reader and ubiquitous poster David Rowlett, we know that there are already Palestinians in America, and their children refer to the Intifada as the "Palestinian Freedom Uprising." Heaven's Above! Surely there they've been involved in suicide bombings? Thanks David, though I'm pretty sure helping my argument wasn't why you posted.

Okay, the Palestinians in America are different than the Palestinians in the Middle East. Those Palestinians eat hate with their mother's breastmilk, and are indoctrinated day and night in killing.

Well, hell, so did the Japs, and the Krauts. I'm pretty sure I recall the Germans making soap out of dead soldiers back in the Great War. They're still around, and so are the Nips. There are 10 million Palestinians, and they're not all hate filled killing machines. They're just under the control of hate-filled killing machines. Frankly, that argument sounds familiar to me. I think I read it in another book, applied to another people. It's called The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. If they were all hate filled killing machines, they'd be a little more feared. If they were all hate filled killing machines, if we knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt, then all 10 million should all be killed, like rabid dogs. Why have I not heard more calls for this course of action?

I agree that there is a risk allowing Palestinians to emigrate to the US, but the argument that there will be suicide bombings here because of that not only doesn't hold water, it's cowardly. People blog all goddamn day about how the Israelis should do this or that to the Palestinians, and why we should bomb the crap out of Iraq, and they can do so because other than that one unpleasant incident, the War on Terror is overseas, and not really threatening. Palestinians over there are nice little targets. Palestinians over here become hulking bringers of death. I know the feeling. I ride the bus to work with a Muslim lady, and every day I look for a bomb. Neither image is a true one. The Palestinians are just people, just like the Germans, just like the Japanese, and just like the Jews. The idea that all 10 million of them are ready to strap on bombs, and all that is stopping them is a lack thereof, is ludicrous.

You can argue that the Palestinians and the Arabs are shame based cultures, like the Japanese and the Germans, and that they must first be thoroughly beaten before we can teach them democracy. That's a good argument, one that I agree with. I just think maybe we should see if there are any we can teach before we lay waste to them and their land. They'd make nice leaders later.

Letting the Palestinians settle here is appeasement! and The Palestinians won't come here because they won't leave their sacred homeland!

I think these cancel each other out. Iíll address them anyway. First, appeasement is when you give an aggressor something he wants, like when Chamberlain gave Hitler the Sudetenland. I donít recall any demands that we settle Palestinians in America starting yesterday or else, so it's not appeasement.

If the Palestinians wonít come, then the Palestinians wonít come. No skin off my nose. You would think that if it was that sacred, they might have put up a better fight than they did in í48. Ask them and see. I think you'll be surprised. Also, and I think this addresses some of the other complaints, I donít think many Palestinians need to leave at all to have a huge impact. East Germany didnít collapse because all the East Germans left, it collapsed because some of them did.

You canít force them to leave.

Nope. Not trying too. I think they should be offered a choice between "The right of return and present misery" or "No right of return and the chance at a free life." The Palestinians can choose whichever they like.

This isnít Americaís problem to solve.

Yes, because all the Sept. 11th terrorists were little old ladies with nail clippers. Thatís the secret reason why they all get searched now.

Youíre counting on the CIA/FBI/INS to do their job, and thatís idiotic.

Nope, read the post. Iím counting on Mossad to do their job. I think they have a good idea of who has been naughty and who has been nice.

Youíll never convince the Western countries to let them in.

Fortunately, this is not my job. Iím just the idea man. But Madison Avenue can sell anything. Thatís why the Saudis hired them.

This is a peaceful solution, and as such cannot work.

No, this is a carrot, and carrots never work without sticks. The stick is the continuing Israeli punishment of the Palestinians after each bombing, which I fully support. I just donít think it will work on its own.

They and their strong culture will overwhelm us.

Thereís 10 million of them. Thereís 280 million of us, 220 million if you leave out the Gore voters, and many would. Give me a break. Iím also not suggesting that we put them all in the same place. The Middle Eastern Diaspora would be nothing compared to the American one.

You canít make them follow special rules, it isnít constitutional.

Theyíre not citizens. Perhaps we could call them detainees. Those guys have got no rights.

The Palestinians are pawns of larger forces.

Yes. Letís get them off the board by whatever means possible.

You canít make them give up the right of return.

No, not really. Itís a symbolic thing. But so is the right of return. I cancel out your symbol with my symbol.

Whatís next, the Kashmiris? The East Timorese. Are you welcoming all the oppressed into our land?

No, but the Statue of Liberty is. Besides, those other guys arenít really bothering us right now.

Black September! Black September!

Jordan trusted them, and let them have guns. We won't, and they can't

Fine then. Look at the trouble Europe has with its Muslims.

Europe pays them to sit around and plot all day. Weíre going to make them fill up the Icee machine and clean toilets.

You're a girl.

Iím not a girl. Though I do guess that Silflay Hraka does have a vague Romanian female feel about it if you donít know what it means.

Thanks for playing, and remember to send all flames to Bigwig AT

Update: A response to their response to my response to their response to.....oh the hell with it. It's here Posted by Bigwig at August 3, 2002 01:04 AM | TrackBack

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