Front page
Silflay Hraka?

Bigwig is a systems administrator at a public university
Hrairoo is the proprietor of a quality used bookstore
Kehaar is.
Woundwort is a professor of counseling at a private university

The Hraka RSS feed

bigwig AT

Friends of Hraka
Daily Pundit
cut on the bias
Meryl Yourish
This Blog Is Full Of Crap
Winds of Change
A Small Victory
Silent Running
Dr. Weevil
Little Green Footballs
Fragments from Floyd
The Feces Flinging Monkey
the skwib
Dean's World
Little Tiny Lies
The Redsugar Muse
Natalie Solent
From the Mrs.
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
On the Third Hand
Public Nuisance
Not a Fish
Electric Venom
Skippy, The Bush Kangaroo
Common Sense and Wonder
Neither Here Nor There
The Greatest Jeneration
Ipse Dixit
Blog On the Run
Redwood Dragon
Greeblie Blog
Have A Cuppa Tea
A Dog's Life
Iberian Notes
Midwest Conservative Journal
A Voyage to Arcturus
Trojan Horseshoes
In Context
The People's Republic of Seabrook
Country Store
Blog Critics
Chicago Boyz
Hippy Hill News
Kyle Still Free Press
The Devil's Excrement
The Fat Guy
War Liberal
Assume the Position
Balloon Juice
Iron Pen In A Velvet Glove
Freedom Lives
Where Worlds Collide
Knot by Numbers
How Appealing
South Knox Bubba
Heretical Ideas
The Kitchen Cabinet
Bo Cowgill
Raving Atheist
The Short Strange Trip
Shark Blog
Ron Bailey's Weblog
Cornfield Commentary
Northwest Notes
The Blog from the Core
The Talking Dog
WTF Is It Now??
Blue Streak
Smarter Harper's Index
nikita demosthenes
Bloviating Inanities
Sneakeasy's Joint
Ravenwood's Universe
The Eleven Day Empire
World Wide Rant
All American
The Rant
The Johnny Bacardi Show
The Head Heeb
Viking Pundit
Oscar Jr. Was Here
Just Some Poor Schmuck
Katy & Bruce Loebrich
But How's The Coffee?
Roscoe Ellis
Sasha Castel
Susskins Central Dispatch
Josh Heit
Aaron's Rantblog
As I was saying...
Blog O' Dob
Dr. Frank's Blogs Of War
Betsy's Page
A Knob for Brightness
Fresh Bilge
The Politburo Diktat
Drumwaster's rants
Curt's Page
The Razor
An Unsealed Room
The Legal Bean
Helloooo chapter two!
As I Was Saying...
SkeptiLog AGOG!
Tong family blog
Vox Beth
I was thinking
Judicious Asininity
This Woman's Work
Fragrant Lotus
Single Southern Guy
Jay Solo's Verbosity
Snooze Button Dreams
You Big Mouth, You!
From the Inside looking Out
Night of the Lepus
No Watermelons Allowed
From The Inside Looking Out
Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics
Suburban Blight
The SmarterCop
Dog of Flanders
From Behind the Wall of Sleep
Beaker's Corner
Bad State of Gruntledness
Who Tends The Fires
Granny Rant
Elegance Against Ignorance
Say What?
Blown Fuse
Wait 'til Next Year
The Pryhills
The Whomping Willow
The National Debate
The Skeptician
Zach Everson
Geekward Ho
Life in New Orleans
Rotten Miracles
The Biomes Blog
See What You Share
Blog d’Elisson
Your Philosophy Sucks
Watauga Rambler
Socialized Medicine
Verging on Pertinence
Read My Lips
The Flannel Avenger
Butch Howard's WebLog
Castle Argghhh!
Andrew Hofer
Moron Abroad
White Pebble
Darn Floor
Pajama Pundits
Goddess Training 101
A & W
Medical Madhouse
Slowly Going Sane
The Oubliette
American Future
Right Side Redux
See The Donkey
Newbie Trucker
The Right Scale
Running Scared
Ramblings Journal
Focus On Reality
Wyatt's Torch

August 16, 2002

Proof of Virginity after the Consummation of Marriage

What the possessor of The New Perfect Manhood should know the morning after he finally becomes one.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Part 8 - Proof of Virginity after the Consummation of Marriage

If there's still some proof of virginity, you've been drilling the wrong well, son.

The discovery of blood on the bed clothes, following the consummation of marriage, is a positive proof that the wife was a virgin.

Blood on the kitchen table is a positive proof the the groom could not wait one more blasted second.

The absence of all signs of blood is not to be considered as conclusive proof that the wife was not a virgin.

It's pretty good proof that you're a little lacking in the package department, though. It'll be the first thing she tells her mother and her sister and all her female relations. And they in turn will tell their husbands. Strangers will point you out on the street. "Raisin!" they will call you. Can you feel her eyes upon you, Gerald? Do you see the glint of amusement and pity in them? Do you see the way they linger on the gardener, on his fine strong back, on the...armadillo in his trousers? I told you not to pleasure yourself, Gerald, but I never told you why. It doesn't make you blind, it makes you....shrink. Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!

The hymen is so near the external orifice of the vagina that at any time in life a girl might accidentally sit or drop down on a pointed object so as to break the hymen.

This is known as "Bobbing for Bananas"

Small girls occasionally break the hymen by ignorantly and innocently playing with themselves or with each other.

"I don't know what it is, Dorothy, but you won't believe how high I can make a dime bounce off of it."

In a few cases the opening in the hymen is naturally large enough to permit of intercourse without breaking.

You feel better now, little man?

Though carelessness on the part of parents or guardians and ignorance on the part of small girls and boys, children eight, ten and twelve years old sometimes engage in sexual relations.

"Dammit, Helen, they're at it again. Mildred, Charles, if I see you doing that with the buggy whip one more time, you'll never play with the Catholic kids again, so help me God.

In such cases the hymens of small girls are broken.

It's all fun and games until someone gets their hymen put out.

Occasionally girls under fourteen, who do not know the name of the act, to say nothing of what in it involves, permit young men to have sexual relations with them.

This is prevented by instructing your female children in the names of the act from a very small age. Among them are Exciting the Irish, Riding with Mr. Roosevelt, Fannie and the Frenchman, Conjugal Communion, Bibbity Bobbity Boner, Storming The Trenches, Phallus and Athena, Poon Spoon, Adam and Eve and PinchMeTit, Damming the River Menses, Prince Albert in Your Can and Making Pudenda Pudding. Have her repeat them to your minister. He will always know of five or six others that may be added to the list.

If it is not continued beyond the fourteenth year, in the eyes of civil law, the offense does not constitute a loss of virginity.

That gives you two years of fun in most of America, and four in Kentucky and Tennessee.

Prudish mothers who keep their girls ignorant concerning their reproductive organs and their social dangers are infinitely more guilty of crime than their daughters are.

So when your uterus uses the wrong fork during the cheese course, you'll know who to blame.

Coming Soon: Ovulation and Menstruation, and Why the Woman Has the Right to Set the Date of Marriage

Posted by Bigwig at August 16, 2002 11:15 PM | TrackBack
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
Post a comment Note: Comments with more than two dashes per line will be blocked as spam.

Remember personal info?