Front page
Silflay Hraka?

Bigwig is a systems administrator at a public university
Hrairoo is the proprietor of a quality used bookstore
Kehaar works at a regional newspaper
Woundwort is a professor of counseling at a private university

The Hraka RSS feed

bigwig AT

Friends of Hraka
Daily Pundit
cut on the bias
Meryl Yourish
This Blog Is Full Of Crap
Winds of Change
A Small Victory
Silent Running
Dr. Weevil
Little Green Footballs
Fragments from Floyd
The Feces Flinging Monkey
Dean's World
Little Tiny Lies
The Redsugar Muse
Natalie Solent
From the Mrs.
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
On the Third Hand
Public Nuisance
Not a Fish
Electric Venom
Skippy, The Bush Kangaroo
Common Sense and Wonder
Neither Here Nor There
The Greatest Jeneration
Ipse Dixit
Blog On the Run
Redwood Dragon
Greeblie Blog
Have A Cuppa Tea
A Dog's Life
Iberian Notes
Midwest Conservative Journal
A Voyage to Arcturus
Trojan Horseshoes
In Context
The People's Republic of Seabrook
Country Store
Blog Critics
Chicago Boyz
Hippy Hill News
Kyle Still Free Press
The Devil's Excrement
The Fat Guy
War Liberal
Assume the Position
Balloon Juice
Iron Pen In A Velvet Glove
Freedom Lives
Where Worlds Collide
Knot by Numbers
How Appealing
South Knox Bubba
Heretical Ideas
The Kitchen Cabinet
Bo Cowgill
Raving Atheist
The Short Strange Trip
Shark Blog
Ron Bailey's Weblog
Cornfield Commentary
Northwest Notes
The Blog from the Core
The Talking Dog
WTF Is It Now??
Blue Streak
Smarter Harper's Index
nikita demosthenes
Bloviating Inanities
Sneakeasy's Joint
Ravenwood's Universe
The Eleven Day Empire
World Wide Rant
All American
The Rant
The Johnny Bacardi Show
The Head Heeb
Viking Pundit
Oscar Jr. Was Here
Just Some Poor Schmuck
Katy & Bruce Loebrich
But How's The Coffee?
Roscoe Ellis
Sasha Castel
Susskins Central Dispatch
Josh Heit
Aaron's Rantblog
As I was saying...
Blog O' Dob
Dr. Frank's Blogs Of War
Betsy's Page
A Knob for Brightness
Fresh Bilge
The Politburo Diktat
Drumwaster's rants
Curt's Page
The Razor
An Unsealed Room
The Legal Bean
Helloooo chapter two!
As I Was Saying...
SkeptiLog AGOG!
Tong family blog
Vox Beth
I was thinking
Judicious Asininity
This Woman's Work
Fragrant Lotus
Single Southern Guy
Jay Solo's Verbosity
Snooze Button Dreams
You Big Mouth, You!
From the Inside looking Out
Night of the Lepus
No Watermelons Allowed
From The Inside Looking Out
Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics
Suburban Blight
The SmarterCop
Dog of Flanders
From Behind the Wall of Sleep
Beaker's Corner
Bad State of Gruntledness
Who Tends The Fires
Granny Rant
Elegance Against Ignorance
Say What?
Blown Fuse
Wait 'til Next Year
The Pryhills
The Whomping Willow
The National Debate
The Skeptician
Zach Everson
Geekward Ho
Life in New Orleans
Rotten Miracles
The Biomes Blog
See What You Share
Blog d’Elisson
Your Philosophy Sucks
Watauga Rambler
Socialized Medicine
Verging on Pertinence
Read My Lips
The Flannel Avenger
Butch Howard's WebLog
Castle Argghhh!
Andrew Hofer
Moron Abroad
White Pebble
Darn Floor
Pajama Pundits
Goddess Training 101
A & W
Medical Madhouse
Slowly Going Sane
The Oubliette
American Future
Right Side Redux
See The Donkey
Newbie Trucker
The Right Scale
Running Scared
Ramblings Journal
Focus On Reality
Wyatt's Torch

September 04, 2002

Children's cartoons I'd like to

Children's cartoons I'd like to see

When I got to a certain age, let's call it 9, I started yelling at the cartoons every Saturday morning. The villains were always so dumb, usually just barely dumber than the heroes. I realize now that at that time, Saturday morning cartoon writer must have been the absolute lowest rung on the entertainment ladder, the job given to the beginners and the dipshits who weren't employable anywhere else, but were either related to or owed a favor by someone in management. I didn't know that then. All I knew was that if I were the villian, He-man would have been emasculated, most of the Superfriends converted into a thick red paste, and She-Ra and Wonder Woman would be performing tricks for my amusement in the bedroom.

Okay, maybe that last bit wasn't at nine years of age. I can definitely remember expounding on that point lots of times in my freshman year in college though, right after I passed the bong along. Also, I would have eaten fricasseed Roadrunner many, many times. It always pissed me off that the Coyote never tried to refine his methods. Some trap that almost worked, that in fact would have worked except for his own actions, was tossed aside and never returned to. Oh, it still makes me mad.

I don't shout at cartoons anymore. I'm not allowed. It might confuse and upset the Ngnat to see Daddy ranting at her beloved friends, according to the sainted wife, so I am to keep my smart remarks to myself.

I usually end up leaving the room. I feel that otherwise I'm at a serious risk for diabetes. Not that I want to destroy Ngnat's innocence, and it is a joy to see her dance around with excitement upon seeing Elmo, but there are times when the cartoons become teeth-grindingly cloying, and I want to hack into the feed and replace it with my own.

Sagwa Goes Into Heat - In this episode, Sagwa the Chinese Siamese Cat entertains all the male strays in town, all night long, right underneath the Magistrate's window. She is kicked out of the house by her horrified family, and has a litter of mixed breed kittens. Down, out, and living paw to mouth, Sagwa spares the life of a sick rat, who then infects the entire town with the plague.

Barney and the Tarpit - Barney and Pals visit La Brea, where he accidentally falls in after some especially crappy choreography. One by one, all of Barney's friends attempt to save him, and fail, and join him in his impending doom. Just before the tar closes in over him, Barney berates the little cretins, saying that if they had just worked together they could all have been saved. "I'll see you in hell, you little shits."

Jay Jay the Jet Plane Meets Mohammed Atta - Jay Jay is scared by the Scruffy Man who wants a ride, but Brenda Blue tells him it's not nice to judge other people just because they are different. The Scruffy Man mounts Jay Jay like Slim Pickens on the bomb in Dr. Strangelove, and drives the little plane insane thru the strategic use of a cattle prod, forcing him to dive into Brenda Blue's hanger. Jay Jay's friends Snuffy the Skywriter and Revvin Evan the Fire engine both think about rescuing him, but decide that they'd get a better deal from the producers if them let him die.

Caillou Gets Chased By the Franciscans - Calliou is enchanted by his new neighbors, the jolly fellows in robes, until he learns their horrible secret.

Clifford Humps Your Leg - Clifford the Big Red Dog decides to show the islanders once and for all who is the leader of the pack.

Elmo Meets the Feebles - PBS sells Elmo off to a traveling show after donations fall short of the annual goal.

Posted by Bigwig at September 4, 2002 10:13 PM | TrackBack
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
Post a comment Note: Comments with more than two dashes per line will be blocked as spam.

Remember personal info?