Front page
Silflay Hraka?

Bigwig is a systems administrator at a public university
Hrairoo is the proprietor of a quality used bookstore
Kehaar works at a regional newspaper
Woundwort is a professor of counseling at a private university

The Hraka RSS feed

bigwig AT

Friends of Hraka
Daily Pundit
cut on the bias
Meryl Yourish
This Blog Is Full Of Crap
Winds of Change
A Small Victory
Silent Running
Dr. Weevil
Little Green Footballs
Fragments from Floyd
The Feces Flinging Monkey
Dean's World
Little Tiny Lies
The Redsugar Muse
Natalie Solent
From the Mrs.
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
On the Third Hand
Public Nuisance
Not a Fish
Electric Venom
Skippy, The Bush Kangaroo
Common Sense and Wonder
Neither Here Nor There
The Greatest Jeneration
Ipse Dixit
Blog On the Run
Redwood Dragon
Greeblie Blog
Have A Cuppa Tea
A Dog's Life
Iberian Notes
Midwest Conservative Journal
A Voyage to Arcturus
Trojan Horseshoes
In Context
The People's Republic of Seabrook
Country Store
Blog Critics
Chicago Boyz
Hippy Hill News
Kyle Still Free Press
The Devil's Excrement
The Fat Guy
War Liberal
Assume the Position
Balloon Juice
Iron Pen In A Velvet Glove
Freedom Lives
Where Worlds Collide
Knot by Numbers
How Appealing
South Knox Bubba
Heretical Ideas
The Kitchen Cabinet
Bo Cowgill
Raving Atheist
The Short Strange Trip
Shark Blog
Ron Bailey's Weblog
Cornfield Commentary
Northwest Notes
The Blog from the Core
The Talking Dog
WTF Is It Now??
Blue Streak
Smarter Harper's Index
nikita demosthenes
Bloviating Inanities
Sneakeasy's Joint
Ravenwood's Universe
The Eleven Day Empire
World Wide Rant
All American
The Rant
The Johnny Bacardi Show
The Head Heeb
Viking Pundit
Oscar Jr. Was Here
Just Some Poor Schmuck
Katy & Bruce Loebrich
But How's The Coffee?
Roscoe Ellis
Sasha Castel
Susskins Central Dispatch
Josh Heit
Aaron's Rantblog
As I was saying...
Blog O' Dob
Dr. Frank's Blogs Of War
Betsy's Page
A Knob for Brightness
Fresh Bilge
The Politburo Diktat
Drumwaster's rants
Curt's Page
The Razor
An Unsealed Room
The Legal Bean
Helloooo chapter two!
As I Was Saying...
SkeptiLog AGOG!
Tong family blog
Vox Beth
I was thinking
Judicious Asininity
This Woman's Work
Fragrant Lotus
Single Southern Guy
Jay Solo's Verbosity
Snooze Button Dreams
You Big Mouth, You!
From the Inside looking Out
Night of the Lepus
No Watermelons Allowed
From The Inside Looking Out
Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics
Suburban Blight
The SmarterCop
Dog of Flanders
From Behind the Wall of Sleep
Beaker's Corner
Bad State of Gruntledness
Who Tends The Fires
Granny Rant
Elegance Against Ignorance
Say What?
Blown Fuse
Wait 'til Next Year
The Pryhills
The Whomping Willow
The National Debate
The Skeptician
Zach Everson
Geekward Ho
Life in New Orleans
Rotten Miracles
The Biomes Blog
See What You Share
Blog d’Elisson
Your Philosophy Sucks
Watauga Rambler
Socialized Medicine
Verging on Pertinence
Read My Lips
The Flannel Avenger
Butch Howard's WebLog
Castle Argghhh!
Andrew Hofer
Moron Abroad
White Pebble
Darn Floor
Pajama Pundits
Goddess Training 101
A & W
Medical Madhouse
Slowly Going Sane
The Oubliette
American Future
Right Side Redux
See The Donkey
Newbie Trucker
The Right Scale
Running Scared
Ramblings Journal
Focus On Reality
Wyatt's Torch

October 09, 2002

A Bug’s Life Being a

A Bug’s Life

Being a dad is pretty awesome. Being the dad of a little girl is somewhat frightening. I know it is stereotypical to think that girls need to be protected, and that guys can engage in certain behaviors and get away with it while girls can’t do the same things with an equal amount of freedom. I know that the genders should be raised similarly and that girls should be treated equally………….but I have my doubts that it is going to happen. That is fine for other girls, but this one is MY GIRL.

There are a number of things I have noticed since becoming a dad that I did not take note of before. First, you receive absolutely NO TRAINING at all for the role. For some reason, all my years of drinking heavily and abusing my body did not prepare me for the role of being a parent. I am amazed that I walked into the hospital an ordinary guy, and walked out with another dependent. They don’t ask questions or do any type of background check. I was grilled more when I went to get a new driver’s license than I was when I became a dad. I am not suggesting that this procedure (or lack thereof) be changed, I guess I was just hoping that I would magically become smarter or better prepared to take care of someone else. I needed instructions to be included, but could find none.

I also find it fascinating how children get nicknames from parents. There must be a rule that I have not heard of which states that all parents must give their kid a nickname that somehow relates to nature. Bigwig’s kid is Ngnat, relating to nature, while ours is Bug, or more formally, The Bug. We spent so much time thinking over names for the child, yet I call her by this name (which just came out as an extension of her own name) more than the one we worked on so diligently.

One the best things about having a kid is that they literally provide an endless supply of things to laugh about. Ours is talking now……….A LOT, and what comes out of her mouth at times give me a window into my own personality, since I am being confronted with my own words as she repeats what I have said. I was changing her diaper a number of months ago when it was obvious that she was aware of her…………..femaleness.

“Wha dis da-da?,” she asked.

I didn’t know what to say. There is a lot of pressure to think that I am about to give her the name she will forever use when talking about her………..region.

I smiled and replied, “That’s your coochie.”

It just came out. Perhaps I should have given it more thought, but I was pressured and came out with a name that certainly is better than some of my options. That got the ball rolling.

“Dat’s my cooch,” she said.

“Yes baby, that’s your cooch.”

“Mama’s cooch,” she continued.

“Okay,” I said, seeing that she was understanding and wanting the conversation to end.

“Da-da’s cooch,” she offered.

What the hell should I do? Do I try to explain the differences between males and females to a 14 month old? I did what I thought was best………

“Yes babe, da-da’s cooch.”

Each time the subject came up I confessed to having a cooch. It is quite possible that she will paying for therapy when she gets older because she thinks that her dad has a cooch, and she is too nervous to ask me about it. I can hear the conversations with her friends as she gets older.

“What,” she will say, “your dad doesn’t have a coochie?”

Dear God, spare me the humiliation. I may become known as the Crying Game Father”, or the Sleepaway Camp Dad” (did anyone see that?). Perhaps it would be easier if I would go ahead and actually get one surgically placed there………….on second thought, that would cause all sorts of problems (my friends might be calling me all the time asking to come visit).

Now the Bug likes to tell me, “Good job” for everything I do. I get her juice, “Good job.” I change her diaper, “Good job.” I take a leak in the other room, “Good job, da-da.”

The other day I saw her standing with her finger up her nose. I asked, "What are you doing?"

"Geh booga, da-da." Damn, when did I say booger?

Last night she said, “I poo-poo, da-da.” So I went into the other room, took off her diaper to find……….nothing.

A bit irritated for going to the trouble I said, “You didn’t poop. There isn’t anything here.”

“Yep,” she said, “jus gas.”

Kids rock.

Posted by Woundwort at October 9, 2002 02:38 PM | TrackBack
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
Post a comment Note: Comments with more than two dashes per line will be blocked as spam.

Remember personal info?