Front page
Silflay Hraka?

Bigwig is a systems administrator at a public university
Hrairoo is the proprietor of a quality used bookstore
Kehaar is.
Woundwort is a professor of counseling at a private university

The Hraka RSS feed

bigwig AT

Friends of Hraka
Daily Pundit
cut on the bias
Meryl Yourish
This Blog Is Full Of Crap
Winds of Change
A Small Victory
Silent Running
Dr. Weevil
Little Green Footballs
Fragments from Floyd
The Feces Flinging Monkey
Dean's World
Little Tiny Lies
The Redsugar Muse
Natalie Solent
From the Mrs.
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
On the Third Hand
Public Nuisance
Not a Fish
Electric Venom
Skippy, The Bush Kangaroo
Common Sense and Wonder
Neither Here Nor There
The Greatest Jeneration
Ipse Dixit
Blog On the Run
Redwood Dragon
Greeblie Blog
Have A Cuppa Tea
A Dog's Life
Iberian Notes
Midwest Conservative Journal
A Voyage to Arcturus
Trojan Horseshoes
In Context
The People's Republic of Seabrook
Country Store
Blog Critics
Chicago Boyz
Hippy Hill News
Kyle Still Free Press
The Devil's Excrement
The Fat Guy
War Liberal
Assume the Position
Balloon Juice
Iron Pen In A Velvet Glove
Freedom Lives
Where Worlds Collide
Knot by Numbers
How Appealing
South Knox Bubba
Heretical Ideas
The Kitchen Cabinet
Bo Cowgill
Raving Atheist
The Short Strange Trip
Shark Blog
Ron Bailey's Weblog
Cornfield Commentary
Northwest Notes
The Blog from the Core
The Talking Dog
WTF Is It Now??
Blue Streak
Smarter Harper's Index
nikita demosthenes
Bloviating Inanities
Sneakeasy's Joint
Ravenwood's Universe
The Eleven Day Empire
World Wide Rant
All American
The Rant
The Johnny Bacardi Show
The Head Heeb
Viking Pundit
Oscar Jr. Was Here
Just Some Poor Schmuck
Katy & Bruce Loebrich
But How's The Coffee?
Roscoe Ellis
Sasha Castel
Susskins Central Dispatch
Josh Heit
Aaron's Rantblog
As I was saying...
Blog O' Dob
Dr. Frank's Blogs Of War
Betsy's Page
A Knob for Brightness
Fresh Bilge
The Politburo Diktat
Drumwaster's rants
Curt's Page
The Razor
An Unsealed Room
The Legal Bean
Helloooo chapter two!
As I Was Saying...
SkeptiLog AGOG!
Tong family blog
Vox Beth
I was thinking
Judicious Asininity
This Woman's Work
Fragrant Lotus
Single Southern Guy
Jay Solo's Verbosity
Snooze Button Dreams
You Big Mouth, You!
From the Inside looking Out
Night of the Lepus
No Watermelons Allowed
From The Inside Looking Out
Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics
Suburban Blight
The SmarterCop
Dog of Flanders
From Behind the Wall of Sleep
Beaker's Corner
Bad State of Gruntledness
Who Tends The Fires
Granny Rant
Elegance Against Ignorance
Say What?
Blown Fuse
Wait 'til Next Year
The Pryhills
The Whomping Willow
The National Debate
The Skeptician
Zach Everson
Geekward Ho
Life in New Orleans
Rotten Miracles
The Biomes Blog
See What You Share
Blog d’Elisson
Your Philosophy Sucks
Watauga Rambler
Socialized Medicine
Verging on Pertinence
Read My Lips
The Flannel Avenger
Butch Howard's WebLog
Castle Argghhh!
Andrew Hofer
Moron Abroad
White Pebble
Darn Floor
Pajama Pundits
Goddess Training 101
A & W
Medical Madhouse
Slowly Going Sane
The Oubliette
American Future
Right Side Redux
See The Donkey
Newbie Trucker
The Right Scale
Running Scared
Ramblings Journal
Focus On Reality
Wyatt's Torch

November 15, 2002

Bad Advice From Bigwig I

Bad Advice From Bigwig

I read the "Dear Prudence" section in Slate every week, without fail, normally. So, with fail, occasionally, I suppose. That wasn't really my point here, but Ellen Degeneres seems to have more of an impact on me than I realized.

My point, and I do have one, is that I like Pru. I even wrote her once about the discrimination inherent in the "families with children" parking spots before I became one of the breeders. In case you're wondering, I still park in them, regardless of whether Ngnat is with me or not.

The problem with Prudie, or indeed all advice columns as I see it, except perhaps Dan Savage, is that she's too damn concerned with being nice. Case in point;

Dear Prudence,
I've been very close with a woman for several years, and over the past couple years we have become intimate. One thing that has happened four times this past year is that she has called out her ex's name in the heat of passion. While I'm sure they are not seeing each other, this last instance was too much for me to take. She claims it's from years of "habit," but I feel it has more to do with where her mind is. Am I overreacting, or is there something to this?

—Shame in a Name

Dear Shame,
The situation you describe certainly makes the case for that frequent bedroom declaration, "Oh, my God!"
The point you raise, though, is interesting because it brings us to the subject of fantasy—often a part of sexual interaction. (It's just too bad your lady friend had to identify hers out loud.) It is up to you to weigh the various aspects of this relationship so that you can decide what this particular slip of the tongue means to the overall picture.


Wrong. Speaking as a male, Prudie, we ain't interested in understanding the phenomena or thinking about it for longer than it takes to actually say this sentence in your head. We're interested in stopping it. This happened to me occasionally, back in my single days, but it never happened more than once.

Now, Mr. Shame, let's call this girl, "Trudy". Next time Trudy is the throes of passion, and calls out "Biff" or "Danny" or "Zambito" or whatever name she happens to prefer to mis-address you by while you're laboring away down in the trenches, respond with a nice "Oh, Martha, you're so hot!", where Martha is the name of one of your exes (preferably one she's just met), or her best friend or her sister.

Or her mother.

Or your mother.

It doesn't have to be immediate, so give yourself a couple of seconds to come up with the best name for the situation. Just be sure it's one she'll recognize, or you'll have to explain yourself. Which means you've lost. Better not to have opened your mouth at all.

Believe me, the message gets delivered loud and clear. Call her by her mother's name just once, and she'll either stop the mistaken identity bullhockey or leave you. Either way, problem solved. Calling out someone else's name is an asshole move, and deserves an asshole response, and her excuse of "habit" is bullshit. Unless you're leaving her unconscious with la petite mort on the bedsheets, she know's exactly what she's doing.

And if you are, she's coming back for more no matter what, so what do you care?

And finally, I've been very close with a woman for several years, and over the past couple years we have become intimate. What's up with that? You got a hunch or something? A man who takes more than a few months to get a woman who's not "saving it" (an ever decreasing percentage of the overall population) into bed deserves what he gets.

Now, get in there and take back that relationship power, you wuss.

Posted by Bigwig at November 15, 2002 01:25 PM | TrackBack
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
Post a comment Note: Comments with more than two dashes per line will be blocked as spam.

Remember personal info?