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December 06, 2002

One and a Third, for

One and a Third, for the Price of One

I suppose it may be beloved somewhere on the planet, but "Nuttin' for Christmas" always seemed to be a fourth or fifth tier Christmas song to me, something that you always heard on the radio but never actually sang yourself, or heard anyone sing. Of course it's still around, as is its composer, fifty years after it was released, which isn't bad for a song that never got the iconic treatment that Rudolph and Frosty received. Think that Nsync's Christmas songs will make it that long?

I came up with two versions, one complete and the other not, as there was no real need to belabor the joke in the second any further.

Zod: That never stopped you before.


Something for Christmas, as sung by S. Hussein

I shot a mother in the head;
Somebody snitched on me.
I hid a nuke under my bed;
Somebody snitched on me.
I spilled some brains on a prayer rug;
I made Uday eat a bug;
Called George Bush a two-bit thug;
Somebody snitched on me.

Oh, I'm making smallpox for Christmas
I ain't been nuttin' but bad.
I'm making smallpox for Christmas
And I'm getting help from Riyadh.

Made a rug from a panda bear
Somebody snitched on me.
I stole all of Hans Blix's hair
Somebody snitched on me.
I hid all of my weapons plants
Put a fish down Kofi's pants
Fed a Kurd to some fire ants
Somebody snitched on me.

Oh, I'm making smallpox for Christmas
Sontag and Chomsky are glad.
I'm making smallpox for Christmas
And I'm getting help from Riyadh.

This year I will play Santa Claus;
Expect a gift from me.
You can't stop me or it because
You didn't come for me
Now is too little too late;
And you'll have to sit and wait
They'll call me Saddam the Great;
In downtown Berkeley.

So you better appease whatever you do
'Cause if you don't, I'm warning you,
You'll catch something for Christmas.


And, one for our kilt-wearing friends.

Mutton for Christmas

I cut out the bellwether ewe;
Somebody snitched on me.
Made love to her in the morning dew;
Somebody snitched on me.
Gave her a cuddle and a hug;
Caught a sex-transmitted bug;
Treated it with a whiskey slug;
Somebody snitched on me.

Oh, I'm getting' mutton for Christmas
Fergus and Willie are mad.
I'm getting mutton for Christmas
'Cause I ain't been nuttin but ba-aa-aa-aa-aa-d.

Posted by Bigwig at December 6, 2002 03:41 PM | TrackBack
Postscript:
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
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