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January 01, 2003

Advice from Uncle Dub

Outflanked Democrats Wonder How to Catch Up in Media Wars

"If you start from the premise that the message was right, which we do, then the problem was that it wasn't getting out to the people," said one official of the Democratic Party who spoke on condition that his name not be used.

Well, there's your problem right there, Mister. Ya'll's Premise has thrown a rod and is a-leakin' oil all over the place. Now, that's going to cost you a pile to pretty up, and it warn't running that well no how. Tain't surprising, you been driving that ole rattletrap for nigh on forty years, and it's showing its age. No wonder folks don't want to ride around in it. I don't know how that Clinton boy kept it running as long as he did. He could do more with a little duct tape and spit than the rest of you city boys can with a whole damn team of media engineers, I'll give him that, but he's gone, and the damn thing's ten years older. Maybe ya'll ought to trade it in a on a new one?

Won't get much for it, mind. Might be able to sell it abroad as scrap. But you could make a nice little down payment on a new model. Ain't much like the one you got now, but least it's new. I got me one sitting in the lot right now, comes standard with a bumper sticker saying Saudi Arabia's the real enemy and a handy list of corporations what been screwing the little folks out of their retirement. You won't find either a those in any of them fancy ones parked over at the country club, and it's a got a neat little feature that'll let you bitch about the size of of the guv'mint.

Yea, yea, ya'll heard me right. I pulled it of one off the old Republican models. Asked 'em if they wanted it installed in the new one, but thet Rove fella just started laughing and handing out dollar bills to all the farmers and steelworkers roundabouts. He told me the only time that bitching about guv'mint worked was when you ain't them, and he didn't think they'd be needing to worry about that for 20 years or so. I reckon ya'll might be able to use it now. Still got the instruction manual around here somewhere.

What? Oh, hell no, it hasn't got directions in Mexican and American. Listen, ya'll want it or not? Ross Perot called me up today, said "Save the little one, I wanna take a look at it. I got me an itch to scratch." Ya'll don't buy it, somebody else will, and ya'll might as well be Whigs, then.

Well? Time to shit or get off the pot, you ask me. I ain't patching up that damn Premise anymore, it's a danger to the public, and they know it. It's dead, and you gonna have to find sumpin else to ride around in.

Posted by Bigwig at January 1, 2003 01:01 AM | TrackBack
Postscript:
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
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