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January 03, 2003

Well Done, Thou Good And

Well Done, Thou Good And Faithful Servant.

Feel like striking a blow in the war of terrorism, yet don't know what you, wide-bottomed civilian that you are, can possibly do? Too old for the military, and not really that much of a fan of exercise in any case? No Islamofascists close at hand that you could reduce to tears with a demonstration of biting wit and patriotic metaphor?

I too faced this problem, friend and I did despair. But as I sunk slowly into the slough of despond, a man came and pulled me out. And verily he did say unto me.

"Son, you don't need a gun to be offensive, and your enemy needn't be close at hand. Now, you might now be able to shoot at your enemy, but you can damn sure annoy him," he said as he handed me a small booklet.

And a vision did appear to me, of Prince Bandar buried under a torrent of the small booklets. He was wroth, and cried aloud to Allah, who heard him not. Close upon the heels of my vision came similar ones, of the Finsbury Mosque besieged by postmen with large bags, and of Sheik Abd-al-Rahman al-Sudays tearing at his beard and wailing, as a cascade of these booklets fell upon him like the Tribbles did unto James Tiberius Kirk. And he did scream in fear and agony, like Koloth.

And each spent all his days struggling against a tide of the small booklets, and all their minions did likewise, and they had no time for their evil machinations and nefarious plots. And they cried aloud against the people of the west, who had sent them the booklets in such numbers, whose contents were anathema and yet drew the eye like the flash of ankle from underneath a burka.

And this vision was pleasing to me, and cheered me greatly, like unto a new Simpsons episode, and I thanked the man. But my happiness was fleeting, and I despaired again, for I had only one booklet, and knew not where the enemies of my people lived.

"Oh ye of little faith." said the man. "I will provide the small booklets, that you may send all that you wish to the enemies of your people at a minimal cost to yourself. You and your kind will be as a cloud of biting flies that torment the jackass, who can do naught but shake his head and bray."

And I gazed in wonder at this miracle, and said unto the man. "But what if the jackass brays 5 times a day?"

And the man was sore aggrieved with me, and verily he did say. "Enough with the puns." and waving his hands, summoned a daemon of search, who did fetch me the addresses of the tormentors of my people, that I might torment them in return, and those addresses were;

Prince Bandar bin Sultan
Royal Embassy of Saudi Arabia,
601 New Hampshire Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20037
United States

Finsbury Park Mosque
715 Saint Thomas Road,
Finsbury Park
London N4
United Kingdom

Sheik Abd-al-Rahman al-Sudays
Mosque of Mecca
Saudi Arabia

And I gazed in wonder at the miracles before me, that both the means and the method to strike my own blow against oppression were so near at hand. Yet I despaired a third time, for what could injury could my small action do the hosts that opposed my kith and kin?

"Lo," said the man "The straw that breaks the camel's back is but one of many, yet they must all be placed. It is not given to you to know which straw is the camel's bane, but only to place them, knowing that with each his bane grows closer."

And I bowed my head in wonderment at the wisdom of his words and begged of the stranger only his name, so that I would know whom to thank.

"Jack," he said. "My name is Jack."

And I thanked the man, Jack, and set to my task of piling straw.

Now, go thou and do likewise.

Posted by Bigwig at January 3, 2003 11:16 AM | TrackBack
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