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February 19, 2003

Discoveries Ngnat and I discovered

Discoveries

Ngnat and I discovered tonight that a small pink and yellow nerf football will, if properly thrown, bounce up off the wall of the stairwell, down from the ceiling of the second floor, off the door to the laundry room and roll all the way back down to the bottom of the stairs. We also discovered that cats do not care for this activity in any way, shape, or form, and will complain loudly and at length from under various beds once it is commenced. The wife discovered that she agreed with the cats, though she did not have to crawl under a bed to do so. I discovered that I am the type of man who, once he conceives of a flight path for a small pink and yellow nerf football that includes a triple wall ricochet and a full stairway descent, will not cease in his attempts to bring forth that vision, even in the face of his wife's bitter, bitter recriminations about smudges and paint jobs.

To be fair, this came as a surprise to neither her nor myself.

I also discovered that a toddler is more than happy to retrieve small pink and yellow nerf footballs that didn't quite make it all the way down the stairs if she can heave them down the rest of the way. Ngnat discovered that heaving a small pink and yellow nerf football the rest of the way down the stairs is even more fun if you manage to hit Daddy in the face with it. I discovered that a toddler, having once hit her father in the face with a small pink and yellow nerf football, will attempt to do so again and again, getting closer all the time, until she ends up throwing from less than a foot away, at full strength. The Sainted Wife discovered that this almost made up for her inability to discover even the slightest smudge on the wall, as it was very hard for me to keep that "fucking smug look"* on my face when dodging small pink and yellow footballs. Ngnat discovered that Daddy dodging face footballs was possibly the funniest sight ever, and that one could not throw nearly as hard when one was overcome by giggles.

I discovered that even with a lapful of giggling toddler, I can throw a small pink and yellow nerf football in a perfect spiral, one that will end up with the ball bouncing two feet or more up into the air after it comes in contact with a cat head peering round the turn of the stairway.

I discovered that small pink and yellow nerf footballs will get taken away by more responsible parties if one doesn't play with them nicely.

Fortunately for the sake of sports enthusiasts the world over, I saw my dream of a triple ricochet with a full descent fulfilled before this occurred.


*the bad word was not actually said in front of a toddler, but rather implied very effectively through the use of tone, body language, and lip reading.

Posted by Bigwig at February 19, 2003 11:18 PM | TrackBack
Postscript:
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