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February 25, 2003

John Ashcroft Fails Another Multiple

John Ashcroft Fails Another Multiple Choice Exam

Which choice should the Department of Justice ignore?

1.) Biological Weapons
2.) Chemical Weapons
3.) Radiological Weapons
4.) Suicidal Islamic Terrorists
5.) Internet Bong Sales

John, you clueless Puritan ass, the only threat America faces from bongs is the threat to America's carpets should they get knocked over. Here's a secret, John, you moralistic twit. Anyone who bothers to order a bong off the Internet is less of a threat to the American way of life than you are, and they're not kids. They're Bobos and Yuppies, and a bunch of them would vote Republican for the rest of their lives if you would get the fuck out of their house.

Kids make bongs out of coke cans with a 10 penny nail. I haven't made one in 16 years, John, you pissoir of false morality, but should the situation arise I could produce a bong a minute, as could any kid over 8. And you're going to stop drug use by shutting down glassmakers?

Pot is the new scotch, you dipshit. It's got a thousand different varieties, produced with as much care as any other gourmet product. It's also got rotgut varietals, which kids can get easier than they can alcohol. You know why they can get it so easy, you retarded git? It's cheaper. You would think by now at least some of the laws of capitalism would have penetrated that thick skull by now. You are supposedly a Republican, after all, though it is increasingly clear that is in name only. It's obvious that your natural party is the Pharisees.

The only way to reduce the instance of pot smoking among kids is to legalize it and tax it. That treatment is proven, it worked with smoking and drinking, both of which are at historic lows in the U.S. population.

But you won't do that. You'll keep on stomping about like a Kennedy a keg party, oblivious to everything other than your own precious beliefs, convinced that you're right and that you know what's best.

Well, you're not and you don't. I know a guy just like you, though. You'd get along well with him.

His name's Osama.

Update: Other reactions, via Instapundit.
Oliver Willis. TalkLeft.

Response to Comments: Comments are down, but I did see a couple before I left for work. The one I most appreciated said I was the same as the "Bush and Sharon = Hitler" crowd. Considering the tone of my rant, that insult was pretty much note perfect. Excellent job, Jeremy.

Do I think Ashcroft's just like Osama? No. But I wouldn't (and didn't, as you may have noticed) hesitate to say he reminds me of the mullahs at times. They have a proscriptive morality that springs from religion, he has a proscriptive morality that springs from religion. I don't trust or care for morals police, either of the right or left, because both promote venal sins to mortal status for purposes of their own. Occasionally this strikes me at a angle sufficient to chip off a nice load of invective. Take it with a grain of salt. I certainly do.

I'll respond to the legalize/not legalize arguments once I can read them again. Bloody commenting systems.

Posted by Bigwig at February 25, 2003 01:07 AM | TrackBack
Postscript:
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