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Bigwig is a systems administrator at a public university
Hrairoo is the proprietor of a quality used bookstore
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Woundwort is a professor of counseling at a private university

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February 28, 2003

Winter Wonderland Redneck Here we

Here we go again. The balmy South, at least our corner of it, has once again been turned into a Winter Wonderland. Unfortunately, it isn’t the sight we were hoping for. As traditional with many winter blasts here in North Carolina, we escaped receiving one flake of snow, and instead were dumped on by freezing rain and sleet. Of course, this quickly froze onto trees and power lines and the result was an icy, ugly mess.

One of my favorite pastimes in a storm such as this is to simply go outside, sit quietly on the steps and listen to all of the chaos. It is, in part (a very mild part I realize), similar to what it would feel and sound like to live in a war zone. You can see lights fill the sky from the transformers exploding across the city. First you see the lights, then you hear the “BOOM!!!” Once again many lost power, but thankfully we were spared that this time, unlike the storm in December when only the minority were left with power.

In addition to the various explosions, the air is filled with the sound of cracking tree limbs. It is the never ending song of nature………..as it meets a spectacular death. Limbs have once again fallen all over the place and my backyard will take weeks to clean up. Last night, however, something new happened to me. Me and my version of the Sainted Wife were inside taking care of the kids when we heard a loud “CRASH.” The dogs whined and I thought for sure a big limb had fallen on one of them. I ran outside to find they were okay, but the same could not be said for one of the pines on the side of my house. The entire tree had fallen over, ripped out of the ground, limbs and all. It fell across the road so that nobody could get by.

The tree barely missed the power lines across the street, and my neighbor wasn’t home or else it surely would have hit her car since it landed in her driveway. Also, my car was on the street and it missed landing on it by a few feet. It was awesome. It was the kind of thing that Bigwig and I would have enjoyed just sitting around (on the tree, no doubt), drinking his fancy beers, talking about nature and why trees fall.

So, I called 911 and they put me in touch with some people who said they would take care of it. Now if you have to have a tree fall, this is a good time, because often the city will then cut up the tree and remove, when at other times you have to take care of it. So, I was pretty excited that this could be taken care of for free.

Several trucks came by with flashing lights and plenty of workers. It wasn’t long before a bulldozer was deployed to take care of the situation. Well, the bastard simply pushed the tree, the whole damn tree, back into my yard, told me to call a number to see if someone would take care of it, and took off. Now I have a big ass tree just sitting in my yard on its side. I may just leave it until next year when we get another storm. I can be known as “the city redneck down the street” who leaves all kinds of crap in his yard. Maybe I will park an old car there too and let grass grow around it. Passerbys will come from miles around to see the redneck’s yard, and they will laugh and throw their empty beer cans into my yard and yell things at me like “You might be a redneck if you have a big ass tree in your yard,” or “Run Forrest” as they whiz by the house. Maybe I can charge people to see it and buy our “Silflay Hraka Beach House” that way.

It sucks, now I will probably have to cut this big thing up and have it removed. One of the worst things about having a winter storm is dealing with all the people who show up at your door asking if you need some “tree work” done. Just a bunch of drifters who are looking to make a quick buck. I have already turned 2 away today, just told them that I liked the tree there and was thinking about keeping it permanently. The looks I am getting are priceless. Wish I had a picture of that, but here are a few pictures of the carnage instead. In Picture 2 you can see the Duke Power trucks across the street. I tried to act like the tree wasn't mine, but I don't think they bought it.

Posted by Woundwort at February 28, 2003 11:23 AM | TrackBack
Postscript:
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
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