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April 11, 2003

The Ring Master Mohammed Saeed

The Ring Master

Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Iraqi's Information Minister, has certainly filled this role during the circus that is the Gulf War II. I'm sure this is getting old to some of you, but I can't stop laughing about this guy, but here is the latest (and probably the last) installment of his news conferences. This one was held with the media present, but Mr. al-Sahaf held this conference via cell phone.

Reporter #1: Mr. al-Sahaf, where the hell are you? This is highly unusual to hold a press conference via cell phone. Have you left the country?

MSa-S: Of course not. I would never leave this sovereign nation.

Reporter #1: Then where are you?

MSa-S: I am standing at the podium, right in front of you.

Reporter #1: No you are not, there is nobody at the podium, and you are on a cell phone.

MSa-S: Shut up, infidel. I am in front of you, I am just.........invisible, yeah, I'm invisible.

Reporter #1: What the hell.....

MSa-S: Yes, Iraq is a very advanced nation and we have developed the technology to become invisible. A technique we have found to be very useful on the battlefield.

Reporter #1: Mr. al-Sahaf, this is ridiculous.

MSa-S: Did you feel that? I am standing right beside you now and I tapped you on your shoulder. Freaky isn't it?

Reporter #2: Sir, your country is under almost complete control of the coalition forces now, and your ambassador to the U.N. even said that the "game is over." What is your reaction to this story?

MSa-S: That guy is not from Iraq. He is an employee of CNN, an obvious arm of the CIA and he is trying to mislead you with his incorrect information.

Reporter #2: Well then, how do you explain that he has been in that position for several years?

MSa-S: An obvious paperwork error by the U.N. My belief is that he is Swedish, just look at his complexion.

Reporter #3: So, how long do you believe you will remain invisible? When do you think we might actually see you again?

MSa-S: Soon, very soon. We are in the final stages of ridding our country of the coalition forces and then I will be able to be visible again. Until that time it is safer for me to remain in, er........I mean invisible to thwart any last ditch efforts by the Americans to target me or the other Iraqi officers.

Reporter #1: Is Saddam Hussein dead or alive? Reports were that he may have been killed in the coaltion bombing a few days ago, along with one or more of his sons.

MSa-S: That is ridiculous. Saddam is superman.

Reporter #1: Do you mean to suggest that he has been able to avoid the bombs meant for him?

MSa-S: No, I mean that he literally is Superman. He has superhuman powers and was able to fly out of the bunker before the bombs hit, or, at the very least, was able to make the bombs explode with his x-ray vision before they hit the bunker.

Reporter #1: WTF????

MSa-S: Also, the other members of the Justice League of America have come to the aid of Iraq and will be fighting alongside our soldiers very soon. At this moment Wonder Woman's invisible plane is hovering above this press conference looking for allied resistance, while Aquaman is battling those mine-finding dolphins in the Gulf. Beware, Flash and the Wonder Twins are present as well. One took the form of a Saddam statue, while the other is the running water now flowing into Um Qasr. That is all for now. I am now walking off the stage and giving you all the finger as I do so. By the way, for logistical reasons the victory party has now been relocated to Tikrit, possibly moving to Syria later today.

As others have mentioned, I really will miss this guy. He has been nothing short of VERY entertaining during all of this.

Posted by Woundwort at April 11, 2003 10:30 AM | TrackBack
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