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May 30, 2003

A QuasiFisk Of The Senior Senator

The latest missive from the John Edwards eList mentioned below, and viewable in its entirety here.

Dear Friend:

It seems like every time you turn around a favorite local store has been bought out by a big national chain.

That's crazy talk. Why bother to buy out the locals when you can just drive them out of business?

The prices are sometimes lower at first, but the chain doesn't have that character that makes our neighborhoods feel like home.

You mean Drunk Willie, the fella who littered the front stoop of the General store with peanut shells and frightened the preteens with his wandering eye? He's the greeter at Wal-Mart now.

Now, federal regulators up in Washington are trying to make it easier for big media conglomerates to buy out locally-owned television and radio stations.

And there's nothing he can do about it other than write letters. He's only a United States Senator, for God's sake!

Local stations are critical to making our communities feel like home.

"Because there's nothing like the local news philosophy of "If it Bleeds, It Leads" when it comes to promoting closer ties within the community.

In North Carolina, local stations offer Atlantic Coast Conference basketball games, prep football games, Billy Graham crusades, and muscular dystrophy telethons.

Now there's 3 good arguments for giant media conglomerates to own local stations. I'd be willing to pay extra to ensure that I never again had to view a prep football game, Billy Graham crusade, or a muscular dystrophy telethon.

They offer responsive and accountable coverage of local interests < spit-take > that can't be matched by big conglomerates that own hundreds of stations around the globe.

We need to protect smaller stations, which is why I have urged the Federal Communications Commission to not make it easier for media conglomerates to gobble up local stations.

"Urged?" My god man, don't bring out the heavy weaponry this early in the fight! All you've got left in the ammunition dump is the "Strongly urged", and after that we're SOL.

To read more about my efforts please click here.

Hey, another letter! When you find your groove, you stick to it, don'tcha?

Many parts of our rural way of life are threatened by today's economy.

Because they can't grow pot at all, and only as much tobacco as we let them. Television station ownership impacts this how, exactly?

Lack of capital, unfair trade practices, and a limited access to quality health care and educational opportunities are forcing young people to move out of rural areas.

That is exactly what I told Billy Bob when he came to Chapel Hill. "Billy Bob, " I said "Lack of capital, unfair trade practices, and a limited access to quality health care and educational opportunities have forced you to move from your rural area to this here den of iniquity."

He kept insisting he needed him some iniquity, and somewhat less horse manure and churchin', but that's just nonsense.

Growing up in Robbins, I understand the importance of protecting our rural way of life and values.

And you call yourself educated. It's either "Growing up in Robbins, I understood the importance of protecting our rural way of life and values." or "Having grown up in Robbins, I understand the importance of protecting our rural way of life and values." That's 10 points off your final grade, Senator, Edwards.

I can't help but notice you left your rural area, Senator. Was it because of a "lack of capital, unfair trade practices, and a limited access to quality health care and educational opportunities," or because personal injury lawyers don't make that much on "Farmer Jim's mule done kicked me in the berries" cases?

I recently proposed a strategy to revitalize rural America.

Did it include wiping out agricultural subsidies, or letting farmers grow pot ? Might as well have kept your mouth shut for all the good it will do otherwise.

You can learn more about it on the Senate web site.

Now there's a party!

One of the best ways for North Carolinians to reach me is by email through my Senate web site at

Excellent. You see I am Dr Hamza Kalu, the co-ordinator of the federal government of Nigeria contract review panel of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, and I have a proposal for you.

Posted by Bigwig at May 30, 2003 12:56 PM | TrackBack
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