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July 24, 2003

A Fine Stout Fellow

As I mentioned below, a good amount of the debate revolving around the fall fishing trip involves beer. What to take. How much to take. What to drink at the beach. What to drink at night. Which light beer to drink once a person is rendered so totally insensible that taste of one's beer is no longer a consideration.

I should point out to the mothers, wives and children of the fine Christian men going on this trip that the last question is entirely theoretical in nature, something along the lines of the theological conundrum of how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. This is not, despite scurrilous accusations to the contrary, due to our prodigious, Tudor-like tolerance for the fruits of the barley, but rather our devotion to the advancement of knowledge.

Why, scarce half a glass of hops and water and the Psalms begin to blur before my eyes. Any words you might see that indicate otherwise are naught but clumsy attempts at bonding with my hale and hearty fellows, small mistruths told in a greater cause. Trust nothing that does not appear in this paragraph or the one above, for it is naught but vanity.

Now, to return to my theme.

Which beers shouldn't be drunk from the bottle. Which brands of fold up camp chairs have convenient mesh cup holders built into the arms. Which brands of rod holders offer a similar functionality. Why a rod and beer holder is even necessary. Which beers are complemented by or can overcome the taste of bait slime.

And of course, how to choose from the plethora available, especially now that one can finally buy beer over the Internet.

Which is where you come in.

Sweaty, Dirt Covered Announcer: Ten beers enter! One beer leaves!

Crowd: Ten beers enter! One beer leaves!

I'll admit, it's not quite affecting as what Mel Gibson, had shouted at him, but it was all I could come with during the 8 seconds I had budgeted for Contest Theme Creation in the pre-post spreadsheet.

Given the literally world-wide reputation of the Hraka readership as beer enthusiasts nonpareil (from the French, meaning drunks covered in small white pellets of sugar), I decided to turn the process over to you.

Between now and mid September, when I place my order at Belmont Station, I'll be running a series of polls for each style of beer going on the trip. Come October, the brand receiving the most votes in each poll will journey with us to the island, though it shall not return. The nine others will remain on their shelves, dusty and forlorn, unless some marketing genius decides we can be bought off with a free case or two.

Should there be any confusion on the matter, that answer to that question is yes. Send us beer and we will sing your praises. Send us T-shirts and we'll wear them in the fish pictures, which will then be posted to the advertising wonderland that is the World Wide Web at absolutely no cost to you, where literally ones of people will gaze upon them.

The first poll in the series is in honor of our friend the C*ckpuker, a devoted aficionado of Stout, who earned his unfortunate sobriquet thanks to a series of exquisitely ill-timed stomach attacks after a long afternoon of comradely good fellowship during last years trip. Due to an impending case of severe fatherhood, he may or may not be able to make this year's bacchanal. We'll hoist one either with him or for him. Which one we hoist is up to you.

There were originally twenty beers to choose from, but I can't find an online poll that will let me list that many choices. I also thought about running a 64 beer bracket contest, something along the lines the Road to Springfield, but it seemed too much like work.

Ten Beers Enter! One Beer Leaves! - Stout Bracket

Samuel Smith's Oatmeal Stout
Young's Double Chocolate Stout
Guinness Stout
St. Ambroise Oatmeal Stout
Murphy's Irish Stout
Storm King Stout
Stone Imperial Stout
Shakespeare Stout
Mackeson's Triple X Stout
Bell's Expedition Stout

The poll will appear here permanently, and over on the right until the next poll runs. All the polls will eventually appear here. Vote early and often. Write-ins will be counted, but only if they are in the style of the pool above. Bud Light fans will simply have to bide their time until the Crap Beer Bracket is posted.

Posted by Bigwig at July 24, 2003 11:30 AM | TrackBack
Postscript:
First time visitor to House Hraka? Wondering if everything we produce could possibly be as brilliant/stupid/evil/pedantic/insipid/inspired as the post you just read? Check out the Hraka Essentials, the (mostly) reader-selected guide to Hraka's best posts, and decide for yourself.
Comments

What!?! No Sheaf Stout on the list? This would have been the perfect place to remember the Dock House's finest. Ah, the memories.

Posted by: Big Dumb Cousin at July 24, 2003 11:56 AM

Don't you think stout is, well, a little stout for the beach, unless it's cold (like last year, I know), in which case comfort would ideally come in a thermos of coffe and a flask of whisky.

Posted by: JohnT at July 24, 2003 02:08 PM

I voted for Samuel Smith's Oatmeal Stout. Anything beer that is promoted to lactating mothers is okay with me.

However, if we want to truly honor the c*ckpuker, we should be drinking Saranac Black and Tan. Everyone knows that's his favorite beer, and certainly one of my favorites. I'd like to add that in as a write in candidate.

You think Saranac would let us put the fishing logo from the t-shirts onto a few bottles with their personalized labels?

Posted by: Kehaar at July 24, 2003 02:44 PM

No planning on drinking Stout at the beach. Planning on having it back at the house, for breakfast.

Posted by: Bigwig at July 24, 2003 03:22 PM

As much as I hate to besmirch a fine Montreal beer, in the first and last 6-er of St-Ambroise Oatmeal Stout that I bought, half of the bottles tasted fine, and half of them had a very disheartening burnt taste about them. I'll echo Kehaar's endorsement of the Saranac Black and Tan, but if you're going to drink a B&T made in Utica, make sure it's the Saranac, and not the New Amsterdam, whose B&T bears a strong resemblance to a Good & Plenty candy.

Posted by: Matthew :) at July 24, 2003 04:22 PM

I voted for the double chocolate stout - just because of the name. Chocolate, mmm!

Posted by: bogie at July 24, 2003 10:07 PM
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